Enemy thy name is Bob...

I have an enemy and his name is Bob. I have no problem with most Bobs, I have found most of them to be pleasant and not altogether foul smelling, but there is one Bob in particular that has seen fit to displease me.

Picture this...It's Whammy Wednesday on the Game Show network. Press Your Luck being my favorite 80s game show, I'm there for the long haul. There's nothing I like watching more than three eager contestants try to thwart the nefarious Whammy, pressing their luck for the big bucks.

This Whammy Wednesday began as any other, but quite quickly I began having misgivings about one of the contestants. Bob sat on the left and was the poster child for 80s America, young, fresh-faced and most likely a Republican. His hair bounced as he cheered and clapped with each success.

Clap-clap-bounce-bounce-Woohoo-Yeah! That's Bob, bouncy and clapping.

He wasn't that annoying in the beginning, no more so than the other two contestants, large glasses lady, and the other person who I don't remember.

All I remember is Bob and the clapping and the bouncing and the Woohoo-Yeah!

Bob won in the first game, and the host looked as dismayed as I was.

The thing about Whammy Wednesday is that they show back to back to back to back episodes of Press Your Luck. I don't have to tell you how exciting that is, I'm sure. Just imagine your favorite viewing pleasure stretched before you in a lengthy vista. Now imagine that lengthy vista has a great big ol' flopping clapping ass in the corner.

Clap-clap-flop-flop-Woohoo-Yeah!!

Then Bob went on to win the second game. That means I had now spent an hour with Bob. By this time I was watching in the hopes that Bob would lose.

Bob would not lose.

Damn Bob.

Clap-clap-flop-flop-bounce-bounce-Woohoo-Yeah!

Angrier and angrier I became as Bob won more and more. Bob wins a full-length men's fur coat. Now Bob can be Young-Republican-Pimp Bob. Bob wins a trip, Bob wins some more money. Bob wins lots of money.

No one can stop Bob and his winning ways. The Whammies try. I root for the Whammies. The other contestants try, but they are all too stupid or slow, or dull witted.

Clap-clap-flop-flop-bounce-bounce-Woohoo-Yeah!

Damn you Bob. I hope you spent all the money on drugs, or just pissed it all away. You sullied my beautiful Whammy Wednesday.

You are my enemy.

Bob the enemy.