Thursday, April 29, 2004

TV Tuesday

Comedy Central unveiled it's list of the 100 Greatest Stand-Up Comedians of All Time last week. (The list was quite subjective, I don't know who voted, no one asked me.) But it was a fun series of shows to watch. They are replaying it endlessly if you'd like to catch it. You can view their list here, if you'd like some help coming up with names for this week's questions!

1. Who is your favorite stand-up comedian of all time? I'd have to go with Bill Hicks or David Cross. I like Dave Atell quite a bit as well.

2. Which one could you do without? (Not your type of humor, or just plain stupid!) I think the generic answers here for me would be Paula Poundstone and Carrot Top, but I don't much care for Bruce Villance either.

3. Which comedian do you think has gone on to have a great career aside from doing stand-up? Tim Thomerson, I mean, come on, he starred in Dollman AND the Trancers series.

~Bonus~ If you went to a comedy club on amateur night, and they gave you some jokes and a microphone, would you go onstage? No, only if I could go on freestyle, canned jokes just don't work, only that pure raw agression and bile that I'm known for.

Monday, April 26, 2004


I've been walking by a display of these things for a couple of weeks now at work, and they've always set my mind a wondering.

Is this something dirty? I realize that the hole is in the side of the girly pants because it is between the front and back pocket, but the belt looks like it is in the front with the 'Welcome' on a belt buckle, therefore placing the bird-hole in a very interesting location.

What are they saying with this thing?

Thursday, April 22, 2004


In the rinsing of her mixing bowl her hands played like a line of dolphins. "Those folks who are concerned with freedom, real freedom--not the freedom to say 'shit' in public or to criticize their leaders or to worship God in the church of their choice, but the freedom to be free of languages and leaders and gods--well, they must use style to alter content. If our style is masterful, if it is fluid and at the same time complete, then we can re-create ourselves, or rather, we can re-create the Infinite of Goof within us. We can live on top of content, float above the predictable responses, social programming and hereditary circuitry, letting the bits of color and electricity and light filter up to us, where we may incorporate them at will into our actions. That's what the voices said. They said that content is what a man harbors but does not parade. And I love a parade."

Another Roadside Attraction by Tom Robbins, p. 208

Double Feature

Caught the Tuesday revenge double feature, starting with The Punisher, followed up by Kill Bill, vol. 2. Both revenge pictures, but both going for a different approach, each one successful.

The Punisher

A story about revenge, loosely based on the Garth Ennis version of the Marvel character.

Tom Jayne stars as Frank Castle, former special forces soldier and FBI special undercover agent who is retiring after one last case. Set in Tampa, Florida with a backdrop of Cuban gangsters and cigarette boats, gone is the comic's Vietnam backdrop and gritty New York skyline (and no Spider-Man).

Jayne goes from one note cop and family man to one note grim vigilante on a mission, but that's o.k. since the Punisher is a one note character.

By the way, I always thought Jayne was a scary dead-ringer for Christopher Lambert, and that the movie that he was most Lambertian in was Dreamcatcher, but this film is like what if Conner McLeod had no accent and was killing criminals with guns.

Gone as well is Ennis' take that Frank is a Psychopath and keeps killing because he enjoys it, this Frank Castle loses his entire family to assassins bullets, and takes a lot of lead on himself in the process.

One of the things that I found interesting in the lead up to this film was the downplay of John Travolta's role in the film. I would have thought he would at least be mentioned in the trailers, rather than just getting a shot of him throwing down a knife.

I liked the movie, fans of the character will like the movie. Blah, blah blah.

Now the reason I felt moved to write about this movie, Harry Knowles' review of the film at AICN.

Alot of the time I agree with Harry (more often with Moriarty), but here he just veers off into la-la land never to return.

Firstly, the nit pick--Harry must have really hated the movie so much that he wasn't paying attention, or went blind, or, whatever, because Kevin Nash's 'Russian' doesn't talk in the movie, and what's the problem with him being a throwback character? He was a throwback in the comic, and at least they didn't go through with his transformation into a cyborg she-male after Frank 'kills' him (yet). I believe it was the mystical black guy that says the go with God bit.

Secondly I didn't get that Frank's look of surprise at seeing Quentin Glass kissing another man was a homophobic one, I got that it was a genuine look of surprise. He was expecting Glass to rough up or kill the guy, not kiss him, yes Glass's sexuality is used as a plot point, but I don't think it's a gay-bashing one. Frank doesn't target him because he's gay, there's no indication of that. He targets him because he was one of the people who gunned down everyone in the Castle family. What he finds out in his recon is fodder for use. I get the impression that the homo-phobic character in the movie is Howard Saint, due to Glass' incredible fear of being outed to him, and after having seen Saint kill a number of people pretty ruthlessly, not to mention going along with the order to kill women and children, that isn't such a far stretch.

Anyway, Harry is full of it and must have had some bad burrito's before viewing the film, like I did when I initially panned 'The Big Lebowski.' Go to the movies on an empty stomach, or after something that won't upset you.

Yeah. Punisher good comic film, not bad like Daredevil, not as good as Spider-man or Hellboy though.

Maybe I'll talk about Kill Bill tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

TV Tuesday

Whether it was Barney Fife with one bullet in his pocket, or Lt. Columbo's "Just one more thing…", we could be sure in the old days that TV cops would wrap everything up neatly in 30 to 60 minutes. These days it may take a few episodes, but TV's top cops still manage to right most of the world's wrongs.

1. Who is your favorite (past or present) TV cop? Robocop, and after him, probably Cartman.

2. Which TV cop do you think was the most crooked, or the most inept? Definitely not Robocop, probably Andy Griffith. You could tell Andy's on the take what with the lack of criminals in his jail.

3. Which TV show had the best ensemble cast of police officers? C.O.P.S.: Central Organization of Police Specialists, and after them, maybe Cops.

~Bonus~ You need to hire a bodyguard for yourself. Which TV cop do you choose? Ray 'Big Bossman' Traylor.

Thanks for playing… Let's be careful out there!

....and as a special addendum, I give you TV Last Tuesday:

Game Shows have kept us playing along for years… From What's My Line? to Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, we watch, yell at stupid contestants and generally feel superior, because we could be doing so much better! So let's see, do you have what it takes to play the game, or are you the Weakest Link?

1. Is there a game show (past or present) you think you would do really well on, as a contestant? Caesar's Palace (I think that was the name of the show, it was a bit like Jeopardy, only with a casino theme, complete with giant slot machine.

2. Is there a game show you think is the stupidest thing you've ever seen? The aforementioned Caesar's Palace, due to the exceedingly simple difficulty of the questions and overall halfassedness of the show in general.

3. Is there a game show you watch, but don't like to admit to watching? (A guilty pleasure!) That Street Smarts show, but I can't take it for very long periods of time, but what I watch I like, mostly the really stupid people trying to guess how stupid other stupid people are.

~Bonus~ Who is your favorite game show host? Who is your least favorite? Favorite: Henry Rollins on Junkyard Wars, and Least Favorite is Alex 'Smug Bastard' Trebek.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

What to do?

It's raining like the bejeesus here, but as I sit down to my dinner of strawberry pop-tarts and a bannana, I see by the program guide that on the one channel they're showing The Postman and on another is Waterworld, which post-apocalyptic Kevin-Costner-against-impossible-odds movie should I watch?

Oh the agony.

Methinks I'll watch X-Play instead.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

In my day we had to build our guns...

Doctors find bullet in head of 'pistol-whipped' bus driver

KITAKYUSHU -- A bus driver who believed he had been pistol-whipped is lucky to be alive after being shot in the head with a homemade gun late Saturday, police said Sunday.

After driver Toshio Hama told police, "It was a former colleague who attacked me," they arrested Sadao Mitsuyasu early Sunday.

"I was upset with him because he scolded me over my speaking manner," Mitsuyasu, 61, from Yahatanishi-ku, Kitakyushu, was quoted as saying. "I planned to murder him, so I made a gun myself."

Firstly, I think it is a bit of an over-reaction to kill someone who scolds you over your speaking manner. Methinks these bus drivers are a bit high-strung over there in Japan.

Doctors at the hospital where Hama, 59, received treatment, said that they had found what appeared to be a bullet in the victim's head. Hama is reportedly conscious.

"I was hit on the head with a gun," the driver told police officers and doctors.

The officers believe that Mitsuyasu shot Hama in the head with his hand-made gun and then hit him with the weapon made of wood and steel plates.

I'd like to see pictures of this gun made of wood and steel plates. That's definitely some pre-meditation on the part of the shooter. Maybe he had the gun already, but I got the impression that he decided to go and build it after he was scolded.

Marshmallowy Goodness

As we come together today to remember Eostre if only in name, I bring to you some Marshmallowy goodness:

Two games from; Peep Invaders and Peepsteroids, by way of Fark

From Wham-0, something I want desperately for someone to buy meThe Peep Kit, also by way of Fark.

And finally I re-direct your attention to my masterpiece in the making, Dance of the Peeps, pt. 1.

Weekly Deconstruction

In my ongoing efforts to keep you abreast of the developments in the world of shows with semi-celebrities reminiscing about popular culture, I bring you the newest iteration: VH1's Best Week Ever.

Since they've pretty much exhausted the available decades that people were alive for and still remember however fondly (60s, 70s, 80s and 90s), and rather than preemptively doing a 00s season, they've decided to go week by week.

Now it's possible for you to look back with nostalgia on the events of the last week in popular culture as told to you by various comedians and entertainers. Don't be left out when the people at work are talking about the latest developments between Nick and Jessica, or on American Idol.

It's like Cliff's Notes for popular culture, only funnier.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

TV Tuesday

Executive Decisions
The Networks are getting ready to announce their new fall schedules. Imagine what would happen if you could play programmer for one day!

1. What shows would make up a perfect night of TV viewing for you? A little bit of wrestling, an episode of Law and Order (pre-Angie Harmon),
possibly a South Park and then some Harvey Birdman.

2. What show(s) would you cancel without a moment's hesitation? The Apprentice, Joe Millionaire, American Idol, Dr. Phil.

3. Is there a show (previously cancelled or just no longer airing) that you'd bring back, original cast and all? The Tick (Live Action), and Clerks the Animated Series.

~Bonus~ You get to create one show to put on the schedule, with any stars you choose. Who and what would it be? 'Super Gaijin Dance Party' where we all have big American Party!

Thanks for playing "Programmer for a Day", now don't let the power go to your head - you know what Donald Trump says... "You're Fired!"

Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events, trailer

Saturday, April 03, 2004

Latest Viewing

Wrestling: I picked up three new wrestling DVDs in the last few weeks, and they are of wildy varying quality.

The first was UPW Future Shock vol. 1; UPW vs The World. It's headlined by a Christopher Daniels/Rob Van Dam match that is surprisingly good considering that Daniels was wrestling just a short time after suffering partial paralysis, and the fact that the ring breaks midway through the match and they have to improvise to give the ring crew long enough to fix it. There are also some other largely forgettable matches, including a pretty good one between Tommy Dreamer and Samoa Joe. The production on this disc is pretty terrible, as it looks like they made the copies of the video by setting up a camcorder and recording a television screen playing the matches (at one point a cord falls in front of the screen that I am sure proves this point, since it was of totally different video quality). Also the production crew makes WCW's angle choosing look great, there were plenty of times that there just wasn't coverage for a move and it was missed, or the camerawork was so shakey that it wasn't much better than home video quality.

Not a recommended buy.

Next came XPW Freefall, headlined by a 40 ft. scaffold match between New Jack and Vic Grimes. They bloody each other up and then climb to the top of the scaffold structure and Jack ends up throwing Grimes over the side where he plummets through some of the tables that are set up to break his fall and lands in an ugly bump on the ring ropes and flips over before coming to a stop in the ring. Not as well done as the Tommy Dreamer/Brian Lee bump, but higher and more painfull looking.

There's also some female nudity on the disc, otherwise it's pretty barren of quality content. Production is pretty good, but the announcers are annoying and detract from the show.

Buy it if you like the garbage wrestling, but otherwise it isn't really worth it.

Finally is Ring of Honor; The Era of Honor Begins which is an edited down version of the first ROH show that was professionally shot and put to video. It's a pretty good show and has alot of good matches showcasing guys who are more technically based than entertainment based. They make it a point that this is supposed to be competition not a show.

Spanky has a nice match against three others from Shawn Michaels promotion, including former TNA X-Champion Michael Shane. There's a really good IWA title match between Super Crazy and Eddie Guerrero, and a sweet three way dance between Lo Ki, Chris Daniels and the American Dragon. It's the first time I'd seen Dragon and he moves and acts alot like Steven Regal, but with more of a martial-arts submission style.

Reminded me alot of old ECW shows in quality of production, but that isn't really a bad thing. The announcing was largely sharp, with color commentary by Steve Corino, and I enjoyed this one quite a bit. There are also a couple of matches featuring the Amazing Red.

Well worth your time if you're a wrestling fan, and I'm looking forward to future ROH wide releases that don't cost me $25 for a DVD (this one was $9.99)


I also picked up a craptacular B-Movie called Demon Lust starring Brinke Stevens and Tom Savini. Terrible film shot on Video about a couple of would-be gangsters who stumble on a vampire/demon chick. The story is a mess and so is the direction and sound. Editing and music aren't good either. Savini and Brinke try in their roles, but there isn't really much there for them to do.

The best two things about this movie are the fact that the DVD only cost me a dollar, and the trailers for other films on the disc. My favorite trailers were the ones for Seduction Cinema's retro films, especially Cinderalla 2000 which is apparantly a comedy/musical/sci-fi/sex film. It looks so horribly bad that I may have to buy it down the road.
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