Thursday, May 29, 2003

Why does Blogger's Template have such a hard time showing my Discordian Date Javascript? It dosn't matter where on the page I put it in the code, it doesn't show up on the page.


Tuesday, May 27, 2003

I got a membership offer from BMG today. It has the little stickers that you punch out and put on the card for what you want. There are something in the neighborhood of 400-450 stickers on the sheet, each representing an album from a different genre of music (Bering Strait is not a female country band, they are a group of Russian bluegrass musicians male and female contrary to what the sticker sheet said).

Usually when I get one of these and I actually look at it rather than ripping it into tiny pieces and throwing it around my head like confetti, I am tempted to join.

Not this time.

Out of the 450 or so albums, guess how many I want?

4. I don't think it's because I'm picky either, anyone who's had a look at my multitudinous CD racks would know that (I have an album of showtunes sung by Brent Spiner for godsake, also a copy of Tia Carrere's album 'Dream', picky I am not) It's also not that I already have alot of them. Looking over the sheet, I'd say I have about 15 of the albums already.

Most of them just suck. Plain and simple. The current music sucks. The old music they pick (Hall and Oates? The Carpenters? Sorry but no) sucks.

Music is terrible, and I blame Lars Ulrich.

Thank you and I bid you good day.

Saturday, May 24, 2003

Putin orders the clouds not to rain on his parade

Firstly, it's a Rootin Tootin Putin Parade!!

He could have just asked me, you know. I'd make sure it wouldn't rain. I am well known for my cloudbursting technologies.

The US Government would just use the H.A.R.P. array if they wanted to do the same thing, but I think they should use it to cause an earthquake or something over there in St. Petersberg, that'd show Ivan.

On a different note, if I want to not wear my seatbelt in my car, I think that I should be able to. If I then hit someone or something with my car, I'm the only one that would be impacted by my not wearing a safetybelt. I do wear a seatbelt most of the time, but I think the Click it, or Ticket commercials come off as a big brother type of thing. If I don't want to wear a parachute when I jump out of a plane, I shouldn't have to, or if I want to walk on gravel or hot pavement with no shoes, then by goodess, I should be able to. I dont' think the government should force me to be safe any more than they should be able to tell me I have to have car insurance.

Monday, May 19, 2003

Yesterday, from the television, I learned how to turn my truck into a dumptruck. My knowledge is greatly embiggened.

Something about the host of the Truck show that I was watching mesmerizes me. Last time I watched him, I learned how to do something or other to the break system of a truck. I think it is his blatently condescending attitude that I find so intriguing. I can't believe that he has an actual television show.

I can be condescending. I don't know squat about trucks really, but I can be condescending. I could probably learn about trucks.

Maybe I could do a show about comic books, or wrestling, or 13th century Venetian architecture. These things I know about.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Last night I watched Equilibrium Starring Christian Bale and Taye Diggs. It is set in a future world where all emotions are banned and are regulated by drugs and also by the Grammaton Clerics, super-cops who root out any speck of emotion or evidence of artwork and poetry. Thier job includes burning books and paintings and other such authoritarian fascist duties.

Bale is the highest ranking cleric and is so ruthlessly efficient as to even kill his own partner when he betrays some emotion. In all reality the story in this film is pretty weak, a generic copy of Farenheit 451, but the star of the film are the visuals.

The fight sequences (with the exception of the final one) are crisp and quite imaginative. The Gun Katas that the clerics use are quite impressive to watch, but it is not explained how the clerics have become so superhuman. I initially questioned the choice of putting most of the cops in motorcycle helmets, but it made for some interesting visuals with shattering glass and blood spurts.

The direction is adequate, but the sound design has some strange choices, such as cops who sound like they're talking through radios even though their mouths are uncovered and they are quite close to who they are speaking to.

All in all worth a rent if you like the sci-fi wire-fu genre, but not if you don't.

Also I watched the first disc of Season One of Michael Moore's The Awful Truth. Man Moore can be an asshole, and sometimes I thought he was exploiting some of the people such as the guy who needed an organ transplant that his insurance company refused to provide, but he gets results. The guy got his transplant, the UPS worker who lost his job gets it back, and they run off the crazy Baptist preacher with their Sodomy Wagon. The look on the preacher's face as he sees them coming down the street in their pink RV is priceless.

I also went to see The Matrix: Reloaded today, but I haven't really formulated my opinion's on it yet. I thought it was good, but I felt it was losing most of the crowd who were there to see fight scenes.

And Finally: Showgirls was on television the other day and it was interesting to watch, since instead of just cutting the nudity out of the movie, in most cases they covered it with animated clothing, quite noticable animated clothing.

How do you make a terrible movie more terrible? Take away the only thing in the movie that might be of some interest and cover it with badly animated clothing.

Monday, May 12, 2003

Henry Rollins suggests Slayer's Diabolus in Musica as good agressive driving music. I tend to agree on that one, but I'd like to add System of a Down's Toxicity to the list. I would never have guessed it when the single Chop Suey was being over-played on MTV a couple of years ago, but since they're on Rick Rubin's American Label, I thought I'd give them a chance, and boy howdie does it grow on you.

Since we're moving into the summer movie season that means that I'm beginning my once a week trip to the theatre now. This is two weeks in a row that I've been, though I haven't started the dining at Sonic that usually accompanies the trip.

Today's film was Identity, and it came with much praise from my fire-ball throwing friend Joey. I have to agree with him on this one, the film is quite good and did the monumental task of surprising me with one of its plot-twists. I figured out what was going on in the film pretty early on, but it got me to guess wrong on who the bad guy actually was. I fell for the obvious.

I won't ruin any of the twists of the film for you. Needless to say there's alot of rain and a motel which reminded me of the one from Joyride, which was a connection that was annoying me for most of the film until It occured to me that I was remembering Steve Zahn's death from one of the alternate endings of that film.

Identity has really good sound design, by the way. Also John Cusack. He's a good actor. Go see the film if you don't mind a bit of the cussing and the violence.

Trailer's of note were Allmighty Bruce, which sported a noticable lack of Jennifer Antison but still looks funny in that Jim Carrey kind of way. Morgan Freeman looks like he's playing God as Red from Shawshank Redemption. Also there was one for Pirate's of the Carribean. Hollywood "reporters" keep bringing up that movie Pirates in relationship to this one as a big budget pirate film that tanked, but really who believes Gina Davis as a pirate? Johnny Depp we can believe as anything.

The clip that blew me away though was for a film I've heard nothing about, Underworld. Looks like a Matrixy kung-fu with Vampires in leather and rubber kindof thing. I'm looking forward to it, even though it doesn't look very original. It comes out this fall.

Again, go see Identity, it needs the box-office bucks.

Friday, May 09, 2003

Evilhippy 2-Tornado 0

Shortly after my waking this morning I received a surprising knock at my door. It was, of course, the Jehovah's Witnesses, but, as I was hiding in the living room with the lights off waiting for them to leave, an even bigger surprise came knocking. The Tornado I defeated earlier in the week twirled violently up the stairs and swept the JWs away.

Needless to say, I was shocked. I had thought this funnel cloud was clearly trounced and would be far away twisting in shame, but no, here it was again, angry and defiant at my door. Angry it may have been, but it demurely knocked at my door and waited patiently for me to answer, tapping its foot to some internal melody.

After a few moments, carefully calculated for effect. I opened the door on the chain and asked “What do you want?”

It whirled and blustered on for a few moments, and I caught sight of a startled cow whipping about it’s insides, and it told me that it did not feel that our earlier battle had been fair. I had cheated it postulated. Or at least that’s what I got from it’s spinning about. You don’t really think something like that has a human voice do you?

It was challenging me to another battle. One to be fought in the only place that such a battle can be fought....

....the squared circle.

Luckily there is a wrestling ring set up in my living room for just such an occasion, and I threw wide the door to let in the violent storm. It had obviously come prepared, as I heard music coming from inside it’s depths, Round and Round by Ratt blared from a boombox that churned somewhere deep inside it.

Lured by the prospect of violence and the sound of the storm, a crowd had already begun to gather. Here already were Country Hulkamaniac and Shelbyville Ditka. A line formed outside my door of people with crudely printed free passes, and I knew that the storm had been planning this for awhile.

The crowd took their seats and Timekeeper Tiny rang the bell as I rolled under the ropes and stared down my impressive opponent. He was Von Erichen in his splendor and power, much larger than when we last met. Perhaps he had gobbled a steroid factory, I know not.

Confused by the lack of referee I stupidly turned my back on the storm for a moment, and it slammed into me, striking me repeatedly with a metal folding chair. I fell to my knees as more music hit.

Culture Club’s Karma-Chameleon could mean only one thing, and my fears were confirmed as Tommy entered the ring, clad in the black and white vertical stripes of a referee’s uniform.

He smiled and made a rude gesture as he casually counted to five and bade the Tornado stop using it’s weapon. It reluctantly complied and threw the chair from the ring. Dropping a knee into the small of my prone back, it gestured to the crowd for approval and grasped my chin with both arms pulling me into a camel clutch.

Valiantly I struggled towards the ropes as the blood drained from my head. I reached the ropes just before losing consciousness, and pulled myself under the bottom rope and out of the ring as Tommy admonished the Tornado.

Trying to gather myself outside the ring I looked up just in time to see the Tornado flying over the top rope in a cork-screw maneuver. I stepped to the side just in time and it fell through the coffee table, much to the delight of the crowd. I picked up the chair from where it lay beside me and gave the Tornado’s back several thunderous whacks.

The crowd was hot now, chanting my name and yelling obscenities at the Tornado. I rolled back into the ring and posed for the crowd. The Storm looked concerned at the turn of events and shook it’s head as it rolled back into the ring, where it was met with my boots. It fell back against the ropes and I grabbed it’s arm and whipped it into the turnbuckle. A Stinger Splash later and it was facedown on the mat.

I raised my arms to call for my finishing hold, but as I did so I was met with a low-blow from behind by that dastardly referee, Tommy. He stood over me smirking as the Tornado rolled over to go for the pin.

1-2-No go as I got a shoulder up. The Tornado stomped around in fury and Tommy could not believe it. I began to Hulk up as the crowd chanted my name and cheered.

The storm went for a right, but I blocked it, then hit it with one of my own. A left met a similar fate. I whipped it into the ropes and took it down with a big boot, and then the coup de grace, the Leg Drop of Doom. Not content to pin it now I ascended the turnbuckle and dove off into a Senton Bomb, rolling over into an STF after landing.

After fifteen agonizing seconds the pain was finally too much and the Tornado tapped out. Tommy reluctantly called for the bell and declared me the winner.

After the match I helped the defeated Tornado up and shook its hand. The crowd applauded my sportsmanship, but as I kicked the storm in the midsection and proceeded to give it a Tombstone Piledriver onto the chair, they turned on me.

You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to get them out of my apartment after that.

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

To his HEAD!

For those of you who don't read my Wrestling Blog, or who have forgotten, I bring this to your attention.

They stapled a dollar to his head. New Jack is crazy. I would have believed they just used glue, or gum, or spit, if I hadn't seen Slash and New Jack firing staples off into the crowd right before it, and heard the staple gun go off when he stapled it to New Jack's HEAD.

I still shake my head in disbelief.
I hate Justin Timberlake but I love him.
There is a cult in Japan who believe their leader is being poisoned by electromagnetic rays sent by communists and that she will die soon of cancer, and that the world will go through a cataclysmic shifting of the poles on 5-15. This is the same group that occupied a road in Japan for a week or so. I guess the 5-5-2000 people were just wrong about the year that the poles would shift.

The Matrix: Reloaded opens on 5-15. I think that the film will be the catalyst that will shift the poles.

Burly Brawl indeed.

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

I know everyone out there is wondering how I've been getting by during all these thunderstorms and tornados that were sent by "the man" to destroy me. Well let me tell you, I am fine.

It was a bit touch and go for awhile though. We were at work night before last when the storms hit and the customers and employees (except for the expendable cashiers, of course) were herded into the clothing area like good little schoolchildren, with the rationale that the clothing on the racks would hurt less than cans or whatnot if the storm blew off the roof and whirled everything about.

We were there amongst the women's undergarments when one of the skylights blew out and the power flickered. A beam from the ceiling struck me in the head and everything went wavy gravy. When I opened my eyes I was spinning uncontrollably through a twister, a twister. Joey was there and he ran by shouting "You better move! Don't let me catch you!" Then he turned all greeen and warty (or greener and wartier, as it were) and started cackling in that way he does.

A short time later I landed comfortably on top of an old woman dressed all in black with these curious little curled up feet, on which were some sequined red pumps. I carefully got up and dusted myself off and took stock of my surroundings.

Tiny little houses stretched off as far as I could see. Why, I was in a tiny little village. Then there was singing and dancing, with the little inhabitants (quite nice, but smelly, oh so smelly. I wish they would have had some tiny little deodorant there). They sent me on a quest to find somebody or other.

Well I walked for awhile and Joey showed up and threw some fire at me like he often does, and along the way I encountered three other people, a macho Pimp with no game, and two others who are not really worth mentioning.

We traveled to the end of the road and came to a glorious city where all of our questions were answered. El Macho discovered that he had had game all along, he just didn't realize it, and they took the other two off of our hands.

Then I was fired from a cannon on the top of the highest tower in the city and landed safely back in my apartment.

And that is how I defeated the Tornado.

The End.

Friday, May 02, 2003

I like Morgan Webb from Tech Tv's The Screensavers. I like Adam Sessler from Extended Play. I do not much care for the combination of the two on the new X-Play. It's just a really forced show. At least the three episodes I've seen are. Since it just started last week though I imagine that it'll start gelling together sooner or later.

Now on to my day at the movies....

I saw a poster for 28 Days Later going into the theater today. I hadn't heard anything about it before, but it was touted that it is by the director of Trainspotting and it's a zombie movie. What's more it's written by the guy who wrote the book The Beach, Alex Garland. Sounds pretty good, but the trailer for it that showed before the movie I saw wasn't. Grainy images of a lonely guy and ending with a couple of shots of what I presume were zombies. If it's a zombie movie, show some damn zombies in the trailer already.

There were some trailers that rocked the body that rocked the party though. Hulk looks pretty damn good. A mixture of good old fashioned Hong Kong monster movie and Hollywood action. The Hulk himself didn't look half bad either. As long as he yells something like "Hulk Smash!" We'll be allright with him looking computer generated.

But the movie that I'm most looking forward to this summer has to be The Matrix: Reloaded. It looks really good, and I share much of the same sentiments as the movie review I linked to earlier.

Trailers and posters are good, but what I went to see today was X2 (I refuse to call it X-men United, I just think that's a stupid title. Call it Uncanny X-Men or X-Men Unlimited. Besides the subtitle isn't in the movie anywhere.)

X2 is quite a bit like Buckaroo Banzai. There's a big group of characters that work together, but if you don't already know the backstory a new person might get confused as to who all the people are. I don't think that's a bad thing though. The first film set up all of the characters rather well, and the New Mutants, such as Nightcrawler, Pyro, Iceman and Rogue are all well defined through the film. Also like Banzai, many of the people in the group have abilities and histories that are not defined in the film, but which don't detract from the expierence. Why is Storm a blue-eyed, white haired 20-something black woman? It doesn't tell us, but that's ok. At least the wig is better this time out, and the annoying accent is gone.

The story is pretty straightforward, if a bit heavy on expository dialogue. Theere were a few too many times that characters had to explain what was going on in the story. I kept feeling like I was in a Chris Claremont issue of the comic (both a good and bad thing). There were also a few too many times that characters were running one way, saw something or someone coming and someone else says, "No, this way." The dialogue could have been punched up in a few places, and, fan that I am of the X-Men, I still think some of it sounded a bit hokey.

The effects in this film are well done, especially Nightcrawler's abilities and the brief scene where Colossus armors up. Though still not up to Yuen Ping standards, the wire work was well done.

Each of the characters gets a little bit of screen time here, and the only one that seems to be shorted in the main cast is Cyclops, who doesn't really have much to do, but then even in the comics he's a bit one dimensional (I do like the revelation of his musical tastes, though I don't think everyone in the audience got the joke).

There were only a few story considerations that I didn't think were well explained, such as the whereabouts and activities of the second group of students from the school with Colossus, and why Wolverine's smello-power didn't pick up some things, but I don't want to get into spoiler country until more people have had time to see the film.

In the background at the school I was pleased to see Kitty Pryde, Mirage, Jubilee, Artie and Siren. They didn't do alot, but it was good to see them there. Hank McCoy snuck in as well and Remy LeBeau's name showed up on a computer screen.

I also like that the end foreshadows that the next film may be a re-telling of one of Claremont and Byrne's most famous X-stories.

Thursday, May 01, 2003

Brief Review of An Evening With Kevin Smith

Gunny said he thought this two disc set was a way to bilk Smith’s fans out of more money. That’s probably true, and that’s why I bought the thing, but then again I have quite a bit of Kiss merchandise as well.

This is a compilation of footage at question and answer sessions that Kevin held at various Universities, and follows the question and answer format, with a large helping of thoughtful wandering. Jason Mewes aka Jay also makes an appearance at a few of the shows and answers questions as well.

I had to split the viewing of the two discs up, because four hours of just Kevin Smith talking is a bit much for one sitting, but I enjoyed the whole thing. Kevin comes across as very personable and easy to get along with. He shares stories about his involvement not just with his own films, but also with an as yet unreleased (and probably never to be released) documentary on fans views of Prince’s last album as well as a little too much information about his first sexual encounter with his wife.
Brief Movie Review of The Duel

More Hong Kong Wire-Fu. This time depicting the epic battle between two of the classic characters of kung-fu stories. It also follows the exploits of a humorous government agent named Dragon 9 and a Princess named Pheonix. It stars Ekin Chang and Andy Lau as the two swordsmen and blends special effects, humor and good, old fashioned kung fu into a strange mix of all of these for an entertaining film.
The dubbed dialogue is classicly bad as well.

Like a Heroclix collector knows how to not get pussy

Now that's a movie review folks. Use the link to go to Aint-it-Cool and read Neill Cumpston's review of Matrix Reloaded (or don't). I don't know if it's a real review or not, but I like it. I've read his reviews in the past and this one is just as good as the rest.

Sometimes I think the talk-back people on that site need a good side-kick into the teeth though.

I'm looking forward to this film, and this review just makes me want to see it more.

Even if it is a studio plant, that's ok. I was going to go see it anyway.

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