Saturday, July 31, 2004

Odds and Ends

Hit the local library used book sale this week and picked up a few interesting books:

Sturgeon is Alive and Well a short story collection by sci-fi author Theodore Sturgeon, he of Sturgeon's Law.

Humans by Mike Dowdall and Pat Welch, a book on Humans in the vein of the Brian Froud Fairy books, and the Gnome book.

Games People Play by Eric Berne, M.D., a book on Game Theory.

The Robber Bride and Cat's Eye by Margaret Atwood

Siddharta by Herman Hesse

...and, the capper, a little book called Who F*rted, with what look like frames from old movies, like these two:

In the first picture it's obviously the woman in the background who's let the stinker, it's hard to tell in the scan, but you can tell it in her expression.

In the second picture it's the cop on the right. He's just a bit too standoffish.

I like that they felt the need to star out the a in Farted.

In the viewing department, I picked up The Osterman Weekend, a new addition to the Rutger Hauer DVD library, but I haven't had time to watch it yet. Nor have I had time to watch my new Christian cinema purchas Left Behind II: Tribulation Force and Judgment (Starring Corben Bernson and Mr. T).

Right now I'm reading Even Cowgirls Get the Blues by Tom Robbins, and I'm finding it hard to get into. I'm about a third of the way in and the story is just now starting to pick up after what amounted to a crapload of exposision and character building. So far it's my least favorite of his books that I've read.

I'm also starting Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut and the aforementioned Siddharta by Herman Hesse (Cause it's short).

And in other news, my parents and my aunt were over yesterday picking up things for a yard sale they're having today, and what do they find in the shed? Two sets of Yard Darts. Deadly fun. I was looking around on the net for information on them, and I like the story of the guy who bought a set and then did the game he played with them as a child of throwing them straight up as high as he could and then running out from under them as the hurtled down. I remember doing much the same thing, though I think much better of it now.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Ultimate Robot II

Still not convinced ULTIMATE ROBOT is for you, I'm not!

Take a gander at these expensive and illogical add-ons that you will be forced by law to purchase:

ULTIMATE ROBOT MYSTERY APPENDAGE: Even we at ULTIMATE ROBOT LABS don't know what this is, but ULTIMATE ROBOT sure seems to. Hook it up and watch it twitch. Do not try to touch the appendage after application, as this will void the warranty and cause impotence.

ULTIMATE ROBOT EXTRA FINGER: (finger not included) Just attach the ULTIMATE ROBOT FINGER REMOVER and wait ten to fifteen seconds as ULTIMATE ROBOT goes to work. The most exciting part is that YOU become a part of the experience as your ULTIMATE ROBOT swiftly removes one of your fingers at random and attaches it to the ULTIMATE ROBOT finger nodule. Each finger added will retain full articulation abilities. (ULTIMATE ROBOT, LLC. is not responsible for death due to bleeding, make sure to clean and cauterize any wounds received during procedure.)

ULTIMATE ROBOT FANCY PANTS: ULTIMATE ROBOT looks and feels dandy and sexy in these tight lycra hotpants. Watch your ULTIMATE ROBOT strut and preen before turning on you in an orgy of fantastic VIOLENCE!

ULTIMATE ROBOT TUB TILE AND GROUT CLEANER: Now parents can get in on the fun. Once attached to ULTIMATE ROBOT’s gimble, your ULTIMATE ROBOT will commence to clean all tile in your home, once this task is completed there is a strong possibility that ULTIMATE ROBOT will then attempt to set fire to your domicile!

ULTIMATE ROBOT EXTREME DATING APPLIANCE: (not recommended) In what may be the most ill-conceived addition to the ULTIMATE ROBOT family, when attached this appliance will loudly demand to be taken to dinner and a movie, and will then initiate unwarranted sexual contact, culminating--oh for God’s sake you don’t want to know.

ULTIMATE ROBOT GLOBAL LINK: Have you ever wanted to make money from the privacy of your home? Well, this is not the way. ULTIMATE ROBOT GLOBAL LINK is a wireless ATM add-on for your ULTIMATE ROBOT. After attachment ULTIMATE ROBOT GLOBAL LINK will swiftly transfer all funds in your accounts to an Swiss bank account of ULTIMATE ROBOT’s choosing.

ULTIMATE ROBOT CURIOUS OINTMENT: Soothes and cools your ULTIMATE ROBOT’s skin and will remove years from ULTIMATE ROBOT’s appearance. In some instances it will cause blindness. Also remember that ULTIMATE ROBOT hates this stuff.

ULTIMATE ROBOT PILE OF FECES: The natural habitat for your ULTIMATE ROBOT. There is nothing that an ULTIMATE ROBOT enjoys more than rooting through a random pile of fecal matter. The best way to make sure that your ULTIMATE ROBOT remains happy and sedated.

ULTIMATE ROBOT PRESCRIPTION STEALING CLAW: ULTIMATE ROBOT wants your pills and ULTIMATE ROBOT will have them. ULTIMATE ROBOT may also use claw to remove testicles.

...and that’s not all, but is all for now!

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Charlie-Day and Skunks

It was Charlie-Day at work today. I'm sure all of you who have worked in any form of retail have had your Charlie-Days. They're when your managers get the heads up that a higher up in the company is coming for a store visit and all of the managers freak out and assign extra tasks to everyone and won't let you leave until they are done.

Such fun it is to pointlessly move things from one place to another so that you can then move them back again sometime later in the week when Charlie-Day is a dim memory.

And on a different note, Jumbles and I took a trip up to Chattanoogie the other day and stopped in at the Fat Moe's for lunch.

Fat Moe's has an effect on me I'd like to call FatMoesian, but instead I'll give you a description by way of a story. In the old casa del BST/Evilhippy we had a poster on the bathroom wall, The Shit List, with such entries as "The Ghost Shit," "The Iceberg Shit," and the self explanatory "Mexican Shit."

Fat Moe's causes an excretory phenomena all it's own, "Fat Moe's Shit." Mostly it involves a tremendous amount of malodious flatulence leading to a quick run to the stall for a horrible greasy experience.

Now with that lovely imagery we move to talk of Skunks. I was in the midst of the pre-greasy malodious flatulence, doing my job and moving about. I happened by the Frito-Lay vendor who was filling a shelf, and as I was working near him he said, with no trace of jocularity, "I smell a skunk." He then proceeded to tell me about seeing and smelling one outside the store on the road the morning before. I am unsure if he realized the true source of the odor, but I moved on before the conversation went much further, as it was time for the afore-mentioned horrible greasiness.

Filthy Hippy Speak, your source for malodious flatulence!

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Ultimate Robot

Ultimate Robot is not a toy.

Ultimate Robot can be upgraded with a variety of add-on packs, including: Ultimate Robot Ultimate vacuum, Ultimate Robot Juicer, and Ultimate Robot Ultimate Laser.

Ultimate Robot should not be used by those who are pregnant, have existing heart conditions, non-existent heart conditions, the elderly, the very young, animals or the homeless.

Ultimate Robot is not to be taunted.

Ultimate Robot will play your CDs, DVDs, Laser Discs, Video Cassettes, Betamax, 8-tracks and reel-to-reel, but not to you. These materials will then be eaten by Ultimate Robot and converted to inert gases and waste byproducts.

Do not stare at Ultimate Robot.

Ultimate Robot does not do windows, vacuuming, or other housework.

Ultimate Robot is very territorial.

Ultimate Robot does not like domesticated animals, but is fond of goldfish.

Ultimate Robot requires three 9 volt batteries, but runs on a combination of solar and wind power.

Ultimate Robot will not listen to your jokes.

Ultimate Robot may enter into unprovoked periods of violence, using the included Ultimate Robot Power Claw and Ultimate Robot Laser to terrorize those it considers inferior.

Do not get Ultimate Robot near water, or feed Ultimate Robot after midnight.

Ultimate Robot requires your undivided attention.

Ultimate Robot is programmed to ignore all programming.

Ultimate Robot will re-arrange furniture while you are out.

Ultimate Robot should only be kept indoors.

Ultimate Robot requires a monthly tribute of 10%.

Ultimate Robot will steal your passwords and upload them to the Ultimate Robot Satellite for use by Ultimate Robot Officials.

Again, do not taunt Ultimate Robot.

Ultimate Robot does not like loud or unexpected noises and will react accordingly.

Ultimate Robot enjoys being scratched behind the left ear, not the right.

If your Ultimate Robot enters into its mating cycle do not allow it near a toaster oven.

Ultimate Robot may or may not follow instructions, but will not follow orders.

Ultimate Robot does not like your 'taste' in music.

Ultimate Robot's favorite television shows are (in this order): Robot Wars, Mannix, Law and Order Criminal Intent, Trading Spaces and Are You Being Served.

Ultimate Robot's middle name is Dean.

Ultimate Robot will not tolerate overzealous neighbors.

If you get Ultimate Robot in your eye, flush immediately with water and seek medical attention.

Ultimate Robot takes a keen interest in politics.

Ultimate Robot only dances when asked.

Ultimate Robot is frightened of spiders, snakes, children and the letter 7.

Ultimate Robot has no natural predators, but has many unnatural ones.

Do not use Ultimate Robot internally.

If caught engaging in inappropriate acts Ultimate Robot will resort to violence first and skullduggery second.

Ultimate Robot will not kiss until the second date, but may hold hands on the first.

Ultimate Robot knows what you did.

Ultimate Robot likes to hide and frighten people.

Ultimate Robot's keyboard should not be used for typing.

Ultimate Robot will make doorways and tunnels for itself through all walls using the Ultimate Robot Ultimate Power Saw. Do not attempt to stop blade with hands.

Ultimate Robot does not like cabbage.

Ultimate Robot held the WWF Intercontental belt for a period of seven days in 1995, and still contends that Ultimate Robot was never beaten for the belt.

Ultimate Robot takes great pride in its appearance.

Do not laugh at Ultimate Robot's appearance.

Ultimate Robot mates for life.

Do not purchase and install Ultimate Robot Extreme Dating Appliance.

Only have your Ultimate Robot serviced by qualified proffessionals. Unauthorized tampering will void Ultimate Robot's warranty, and Ultimate Robot, LLC. is not responsible for lost property or wages.

Ultimate Robot will have that ham sandwich now.

Ultimate Robot's favorite color is red, and Ultimate Robot will do anything to keep the red flowing. Anything.

Ultimate Robot cannot be controlled through shame.

Ultimate Robot once took part in a homosexual pornographic movie, but Ultimate Robot was young and in college.

Ultimate Robot cannot be housebroken.

Ultimate Robot is not amused.

Ultimate Robot contains a sattelite uplink which it uses only to order pizza and room service.

Ultimate Robot cannot drive.

Do not underestimate Ultimate Robot's intelligence.

Ultimate Robot takes no prisoners.

Ultimate Robot understands seven languages but speaks none.

Watch your language around Ultimate Robot.

Ultimate Robot will not tolerate berets.

You must purchase at least one Ultimate Robot add-on pack per month or Ultimate Robot will steal them and you will be liable.

Ultimate Robot is a kiss-stealing, wheeling, dealing, jet-flying, limousine-riding son-of-a-gun.

To be the man you have to beat Ultimate Robot.

That sticky residue on Ultimate Robot is normal.

Do not remind Ultimate Robot of Ultimate Robot's shortcomings.

Ultimate Robot will take candid nude photos of you and upload them to Internet.

Ultimate Robot gives no quarter, but does ask for it.

Ultimate Robot once got really drunk and woke up on a boat full of Russians on their way to Brazil. Ultimate Robot does not want to be reminded of this.

Ultimate Robot does not sleep.

Ultimate Robot has only two emotionial states Angry and More Angry.

Ultimate Robot is self righting.

Ultimate Robot is 3% grain alchohol.

Ultimate Robot states the obvious, but has problems recognizing this fact.

Ultimate Robot is made out of people.

Ultimate Robot requires constant reassurance, but will mock others unmercifully.

Ultimate Robot can speak using fourteen different pre-programmed voice templates, including: Bea Arthur, Gilbert Gottfried, Tom Waits and yelling Gilbert Gottfried.

Ultimate Robot will not stop to talk.

Ultimate Robot will speak only when spoken to, uless not spoken to.

Do not take Ultimate Robot out for a spin.

Ultimate Robot will kill time by travelling into the past and murdering it, using the Ultimate Robot Super Time Killing Saw, which you will install.

Given the choice between White or Wheat Ultimate Robot will not choose, but will take both.

Ultimate Robot needs its rest and yours.

Ultimate Robot does not like to be called 'Robo.'

Ultimate Robot automatically reacts to external stimuli.

Do not be surprised if Ultimate Robot injures others, be surprised if Ultimate Robot does not.

Ultimate Robot always votes Libretarian.

Ultimate Robot fights stains, but Ultimate Robot's heart isn't really in it.

Ultimate Robot is not sold in stores.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Halloween III, aka Revelation

The devil and his minions want everyone to put on masks at the same time so that a signal can be sent out to steal your soul or kill you. Black robed satanists have a ceremony where they blaspheme and plan naughty things.

It's the story of Halloween III (The one without Michael Myers) and the story of Revelation, starring Jeff Fahey, Carol Alt and Nick Mancuso.

This unintentional comedy is from the producers of Left Behind: the Movie and written by Peter and Paul LaLonde, and featuring ministry from Jack and Rexalla Van Impe and James Hagee.

This movie is just a mess. Fahey tries to bring something to a role that is thinly written, everyone else except Tony Nappo as hacker Willie Spino, is either chewing scenery or outcasts from a community theater. There is some really bad acting in this movie, and the director and editors seem like they are afraid to cut off the end of anyone's lines to improve the flow, almost every scene has the feel of something painfully read off of cue cards with no regard of whether it makes sense or even matches what goes on the screen (such as when one of the characters brings in a tape from the security camera from the bad guys base and it is an audio tape).

The premise here is that this is three months after the Tribulation and in that time Franco Macalousso, known to the world as the Messiah, who is really the devil in disguise, has had time to establish a one world government, conveniently enough called One Nation Earth (O.N.E.), which already has worked out a full scale army/police force, and has a giant office building headquarters, complete with old fashioned jail and giant furnace for Christian cooking.

Fahey is Thorold Stone, whose family were taken in the rapture and now he is left behind and doing the mournfully watching old home movies bit. He shares the tendency of all those left behind in these movies of for some irrational reason hating the church and only having vague irrational reasons for not wanting to go.

Thorold (What a name) and his partner are sent to kill a group of Haters (Christians) who meet in an abandoned warehouse. Because, you know, homes are out of the question. It's funny in this type of movie how the satanists are apparently able to meet in private without being discovered for years, wearing those dark robes and chanting and killing of innocents and whatnot, not to mention the giant flaming crosses, but when put in the same situation, the Christians can't seem to keep it down and be able to meet somewhere air-conditioned.

But, to continue, the Haters in question have supposedly blown up a bus full of schoolchildren. This brings up an interesting problem with this film. I thought in the Rapture of the Left Behind type series that children were supposed to be taken because they are innocents, yet here was a busload of kids to be blown up, and the minister in the film has a young daughter. Am I to believe that these kids were somehow bad?

Come to find out the Haters didn't really do it, it was a crew of O.N.E. guys led buy a guy who can walk through walls, but yet sees fit to ruin a good suit by letting Thorold shoot him repeatedly. The guys with mister intangible also broke the cardinal rule of wetwork, DON'T WEAR YOUR DAMN NAME BADGES WHEN YOU'RE OUT BLOWING UP SCHOOLCHILDREN AND FRAMING HATERS.

Which brings up the question, if the guy can walk through walls, why doesn't he just go and kill the Haters himself? He has two other guys with guns, why blow up the kids, other than to be evil? Oh, I forgot to mention that they want the Haters, not just because they're Christian, but because one of them has a disc that contains information that could reveal the Messiah's plans, and the intangible guy shoots Thorold's partner.

There is then some of that mild detective thriller stuff, which leads Thorold, now wanted for his partners murder, to Willie the Hacker in a wheelchair (how original) who just happens to be working on the Messiah's Day of Wonders virtual reality project. They hook up with a group of Haters who just happen to be led by Willies sister (who just happens to speak with a British accent, and not have the same last name as him, maybe they were in-laws, I really don't remember), and they come up with the same plan that worked against the aliens in Independence Day.

The VR hokum is set up to give people what they want as an illusion, but if they don't renounce Jesus in the program, then they are strapped down to a guillotine topped with the eye in the pyramid and killed. This brings up the question of why wouldn't the people just take off the damn headset when they are confronted with a guillotine? Why doesn't Fahey in the movie?

Things I learned from this movie:

1. Shooting out a computers monitor stops whatever program is running on it.
2. Don't trust cripples or blind folks, because they will turn on you in the final act, just so they can walk or see.
3. When you need something witty for a character to say, just use something you saw on a bumper sticker! They make great one liners.
4. Virtual Reality and computers are evil and the tools of the devil.
5. Did I mention don't trust cripples or blind folks, because this is definitely a subtext for the film.

In the end, this is a definite pass.

-4 babes

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Macho Man

As I was casually reading Ric Flair's autobiography To Be The Man today, I saw this picture on page 253:

Look at how happy Macho Man looks in this picture. It's almost as if he was intentionally smiling for the camera on this one. I realize that's just his face for the fraction of a second between grimaces, but he just looks like he's just hanging out, happens to have Ric Flair in a leg-lock and is enjoying the hell out of it without a care in the world. The only way it would have been any better is if he were giving a thumbs up with his right hand.

In fact, with a little bit of craptacular photo-magicality, that's exactly what happens:

I love computers sometimes.

Oh, Glorious Day

Not only is my personal Lord and Saviour Warren Ellis going to be at DragonCon, but so will McChris. From his site:

What about tour? where's my mcchris show?! Well, right now we're doing conventions. Comicon on San Diego is 7/22-25 and Dragoncon is over labor day weekend in Atlanta. CMJ is unconfirmed and in october.Let's all just keep praying for a tour. I want to do a live show as badly as you want to see one.


Dragoncon is over Labor Day weekend. I know very little about this. I will most likely be selling stuff here.

To quote the Barry and LaVon: Awwww Yeah!

Now I shall be able to add McPee Pants and Hesh to my list of Cartoon Network that I have met in person (Brak and Space-Ghost being the others).

True Grit

Buying groceries yesterday, my eye was caught in the produce department by Naked Juice's Protein Zone drink. It comes in a 15 oz plastic bottle, and with the instructions "Shake and Chug."

Why would they say chug, you ask?

Because this concoction of "2 Oranges, 1 Banana, Hint of Coconut, 1 Apple or Pear and 1/2 a Pineapple" is rough on the taste buds. It doesn't get any better on the way down, either.

Sadly, I did not follow the instructions, and drank this in three gulps rather than one chug. On the first gulp I detected something I didn't have any context for in my fruit drinks. On the second gulp I placed it, this stuff is really gritty. Not like pulpy, but like it has little undisolved bits of something in it.

Then I almost had a wreck in my truck (I was drinking this stuff and driving), and splattered quite a bit of it on the passenger door.

You should know that this is a thick white liquid, looking much like a certain body fluid that is not urine. It did not help my resolution on finishing the drink that the splatter on the door did not run down the door, but merely stuck there globulously, and required actual work with clenser to remove. This is a protein rich, thick white liquid (at least it wasn't warm).

But this drink cost me two-fifty for 15 ounces, so I finished it, reluctantly. Needless to say I was wishing that I'd bought some form of Sobe instead, but live and learn.

Avoid this one folks.

Monday, July 19, 2004


Sooo, Gene Simmons has a new solo album out, his first since his 1978 Kiss solo album. Is it any good? It's not great from a lyrical or songwriting sense, but then Kiss has never been known for their advanced lyrical structure, or their complex musical arrangements. What they are known for is kick-ass anthems and ballads.

Here's a track by track breakdown:

1. Sweet and Dirty Love: Probably the most Kiss-like song on the album. Guitar rock, passable, but not that memorable.

2. Firestarter: Gene covers the Prodigy song and puts forth a noble effort. The song isn't bad, a good choice of a cover.

3. Weapons of Mass Destruction: Another Kiss-like song and probably the weakest song on the album. Generic aggro-rock.

4. Waiting For the Morning Light: This sounds like a written for Peter Criss to sing song. Good little sappy ballad.

5. Beautiful: God help me, I really like this song. This is the one that I find myself singing inadvertently. An ode to a transvestite, this is a pretty little song.

6. Asshole: Some of the lyrics in this song (But you got a personality/like a bucket of pee; You're such a creep/You look like a sheep), are painfully weak, but then there are the ones that make me laugh (cause you're the cream of the crap), so this is an uneven song. Good but uneven.

7. Now That You're Gone: Gene likes the children's choirs on his songs, and this one has one. Sounds like a song about his father. Good enough. So, so pretty.

8. Whatever Turns You On: This song should be really, really bad, but is actually pretty good. Shannon Tweed and others sing backup. The other catchiest song on the album that will probably never get any airplay.

9. Dog: Could very well be a song by Cake, so of course I like it.

10. Black Tongue: Intercut with clips of Frank Zappa, this is another catchy little song. I like the chorus on this one.

11. Carnival of Souls: This one was allright. Sounds like something from right before the reunion tour.

12. If I Had a Gun: Gene sings about taking all the fools out. Not brilliant, but good. Not as good as Henry Rollins "Drive By Shooting," but not terrible.

13. 1,000 Dreams: Gene ended his first solo album with a cover of "When You Wish Apon a Star," and this song has much the same feel.

This one isn't going to go down as the best album of the year, but not as the worst either (Though it wouldn't surprise me if it shows up on some critics worst of the year lists). I enjoyed it, and it's stayed in my car cd player for awhile now.

3 1/2 babes

Ebert Reviews A Cinderella Story

Quite a nice little review by Roger Ebert of A Cinderella Story, starring Hillary Duff, in the form of a letter to Byron Turner, 14.

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Book Buying #2

Hit McKay's again the other day and picked up a few more books:

Shardik by Richard Adams:  Stephen King based the giant robot bear in the Dark Tower Series on this book, so I figured it'd be worth the .75 price tag.
The Long Hard Road Out of Hell by Marilyn Manson and Neil Strauss:  After the good profile/interview that Chuck Palahniuk did in his last book on Manson, I decided to check out his Autiobiography. 
The Secret Life of a Satanist by Blanche Barton:  The life and times of Anton LaVey, this continues the satanic biography theme of the purchases.
The Runes by Horik Svensson:  How can you not pick up a book by someone named Horik?
The Book of Lies by Aleister Crowley:  Ho-ho, methinks I spent lots of time in the occult section this trip.
The Golden Dawn by Israel Regardie:  Borrowed a copy of this one from A.M.O.D. and had it for quite some time, but now I have my own.
Slapstick by Kurt Vonnegut

Thursday, July 15, 2004


Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

This is a frustrating book. Not only did I correctly guess the final plot twist as the character involved was introduced, as well as his reasoning, but this book has some of the worst writing that I've read in a long, long time.

Brown's characters all come off sounding exactly the same, except some speak Italian. He seems intent on telling you about the characters rather than showing you, and, honestly, if I can figure out a way out of the entire scenario and danger that would have taken them approximately two minutes, then the Vatican Guards should have as well. I just don't buy that they have wireless cameras and have no way of figuring out where the signal is coming from. If you have no one in the area using any form of radio devices, and you only have these security cameras, couldn't you just shut down all but the one camera you are looking for and then use a receiver to find where the signal is coming from?

1/2 Bob

Skin Tight and Tourist Season by Carl Hiaasen

It took me two Hiaasen novels to get A & D out of my mind. Hiaasen is one of the most consistent writers that I've read. All of his books contain zany characters in zany situations and quite a bit of humor. The dialogue is always tight, and he has a knack of giving you exactly the right information to get a feel for all the characters.

Both of the books were very good.

3 1/2 Bob

Live From New York by Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller

This book should have been much shorter than 600 pages. And with all of the presumabley funny people giving interviews is it so much to ask that some of them could be funny in it, sometime, rather than largely just bitching?

There are a few humorous anecdotes, but I think that it's sad that the only time I really laughed at the book was at Chris Parnell (who I don't think is the funniest person interviewed) when he said:

I introduced myself to Tom Brokaw in the NBC gym locker room one day. I said "I'm the guy from SNL who does an impression of you." He said, "Oh, right, I've heard of that." We had a pleasant conversation, actually. He told me about the old days of the show, when Belushi and those guys wer on and he used to come and watch it with his daughters. And he talked about his daughter having gone to Marci Klein's sweet sixteen birthday party at Studio 54.

He was not naked, no. I think I waited until he was getting into his gym clothes to talk to him. It's a beautiful body, though. Glorious.

And this isn't until page 513. I know it's supposed to be a history and not a funny book, but make with the damn comedy allready.

And remember Chevy Chase is a dick and Steven Segal thinks skits about rape counselors trying to have sex with their clients are funny.

1 1/2 Bob

Stranger Than Fiction by Chuck Palahniuk

Chuck is one of my favorite writers. He's the opposite of most of the other books I read in that he crams lots of information and story into short books.

This book is composed of journalistic and other pieces of nonfiction, including profiles of Juliette Lewis and a great look at Marilyn Manson. He also talks to Rocket Guy, and three guys who build castles. He also talks about the basis of some of the parts of his books and about the making of the movie of Fight Club.

A good book, highly recommended.

4 1/2 Bob

Wednesday, July 14, 2004


I Pooped a Hammer!

2 1/2 babes

This film is struggling with itself as to what it wants to be, much like Bob and David's Run Ronnie Run. On the one hand there is a satirical look at 70's newscrews as they are first invaded by women, coupled with a generic love story, on the other there is a loosely connected series of skits of over the top zany comedy.

As a result of this conflict of visions, the movie comes off as less than either. Not quite a success on either front, though still providing quite a few laughs.

In E!'s making of special Ferrell and the cast re-counted how they would do one take on the script, and then after that everything was improv. A series of outtakes Jackie Chan style during the credits show many of these alternate lines and takes, including what was the funniest of anything in the film, Brick Tamland (Steve Carell), the Weatherman with a sub 50 IQ, saying "I Pooped a Hammer." I think that this approach to the filmmaking was the source of the problem.

If they were going to do the film this way, they should have just come in with a rough outline of the film and went balls out with the improv, Christopher Guest style. As it stands the film feels like it just veers off-course constantly, such as the lengthy gang-fight scene (Which is funny, but would have been better if the entire film had been so outlandish).

I laughed quite a bit during the film at the outlandish elements, but not so much at the love story and satire bits, and on the whole the crowd I saw the film with didn't laugh much at all.

For me, this is a film about Will Ferrell mugging for the camera, when the better film would have been one concentrating not on a contrived love story, but rather on the interplay of the news team themselves with a heavier investment in each. Carell's Tamland stole every scene he was in and it would have benefited the film to concentrate more on him and less on Ferrell.

Something more along the lines of Animal House, an ensemble comedy, rather than a character driven sketch film where only one of the characters is truly important and the rest are props.

There are a few notable cameos, including Jack Black as a biker, who provides another of the films funniest moments ("This is how I roll").

The E! Special also showed bits of scenes cut from the film, including Ferrell getting shot, a lengthy musical montage, and the news team constantly littering. All of those would have strengthened the movie.

If the future DVD release includes more of that material, it might be worth checking out, but if not, wait for this one to show up in the bargain bins.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004


I thought of a great name for a filk/rap group...Minstrel Flow.

Also, check out the SubGenius Random Ten Commandment Generator

Sunday, July 11, 2004


Politically Incorrect

Went out to eat with Tommy today and saw something that made me stop for a moment. There was a family of midg-uh-little people going in before me, but that's not what stopped me (well it didn't stop me for very long). The thing that really stunned me for a moment was the fact that the daughter in the family looked eerily like my ex-girlfriend, only half the size.

Tommy noticed it too when I brought them up on the way out.

Drink your milk kiddies.

Bring out the Freaks

It was night of the Troglodytes at work last night.

My Backpack's Got Jets

If you're a Star War's fan head over to MC and download the song Fette's Vette. If you're an Aqua Team Hunger Force as well, he's the guy who does MC Pee Pant's voice.

Speaking of Hitler

Look here's a gallery of paintings by Adolf Hitler. If only more people had encouraged his art.

Shirley Blog

No, it's not about Cindy Williams, it's author John Shirley's Blog.

None of your Filking Business

Like Filking? Have no idea what Filking is? Hit the Virtual Fliksing. Freestyle Geekdom!

How to Write Like Tom Robbins

I likes me some Tom Robbins, and I found this article by Michael Dare on how to write like him, here's a bit:

When he starts a novel, it works like this. First he writes a sentence. Then he rewrites it again and again, examining each word, making sure of its perfection, finely honing each phrase until it reverberates with the subtle texture of the infinite. Sometimes it takes hours. Sometimes an entire day is devoted to one sentence, which gets marked on and expanded upon in every possible direction until he is satisfied. Then, and only then, does he add a period.

That, my friends is either brilliant or crazy, or both.

Morgan Webb

I think it was Tommy that sent me this awhile back, knowing my infatuation with TechTv's Morgan Webb, it's Morgan Webb Nude. (warning a little bit of nudity and foul language there, kindof like me)

For those of you that are also fans of Ms. Webb, here's a link to a page showing Morgan's pictures for Maxim Magazine

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Down by the Creek

Hopefully the grass will come in pretty soon, but it's nice in the hammock nonetheless.

Halle Berry

From Comic Book Resources
Hollywood North Report is reporting that Halle Berry will not be back for the third Westchester-based mutant movie. According to an insider, "Halle was ready to do X-Men 3 , but only if Storm was given more storyline, but the studio sees the third movie as a means to wrap up the trilogy, and that means Storm won't be featured more than Hugh Jackman's Wolverine. Halle has now passed on the third movie because she's not into bit-parts. She's an Oscar winner and she wants roles that test her." Allegedly, producers are now apparently looking to singer and actress Christina Milian as a possible replacement.

She's an Oscar winner and wants roles that test her, like Catwoman. Whatever. I guess it's better to be the top dog in a big piece of crap rather than a contributer to someting good.

Friday, July 02, 2004

The Chick

I have a habit of picking up religious pamphlets when I see them lying around, but I'd never seen one quite like Titanic, from Chick Publications. In it, I learned that it's wrong to hate Jesus and people who insist on telling you about him every chance that they get.

If you do, God will kill you and everyone around you with an Iceberg.

Click here to read all of their tracts online.

You can learn alot about all the evil, anti-christian things out there, such as Free Masonry, Dungeons and Dragons, Halloween, Islam, and Evolutinary Theory.

Read them, or go to hell.

Brief Movie Reviews

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

I've seen this one twice now, and I felt that it was the strongest of the three films by far. This one took a big step forward in moving the story into the level that the books dwell in, that of fiction that doesn't talk down to the young audience that it is aimed at.

I especially liked the look and feel of Hogwarts in this film, which became more of a dark and brooding castle converted into a school, rather than a big school that happens to be a castle. If that makes sense.

Also Gary Oldman as Sirius Black is a wonderfull bit of casting.


A good superhero movie that retains quite a bit of Raimi's comedy and sensibilites. I liked it for what it was. I'm wondering if the filmmakers get together and try to figure out ways to get Ms. Dunst into situations where she will be cold and wet and not wearing a bra?

Not that I'm complaining.

Mystic River

Really a good movie that could have been even better.

I think they needed a bit more with the kids in the beginning of the movie and a little less at the end of the film. I understand that the film is about the different directions that the three kids life take after one of them is abducted by pedophiles, but without more of thier personalities before the abduction it just doesn't work as well as it could. I would have liked more foreshadowing of their later lives as crook, cop and haunted soul.

Man the kid that was Sean Penn looked creepily like him.

Tim Robbins and Sean Penn run with what they are given in this film and deliver fine performances, Penn in a role similar to what we've seen from him before, and Robbins in an inspired performance unlike anything else I've seen him do.

Kevin Bacon is just there in the film, though. I didn't feel any real involvement in the story of him and his estranged wife, and I wish that they'd given us more so that the film's trio of characters would have been a bit more balanced.

But I did really like the film.

Book Shopping Day

Went down to McKay's Used Books today and picked up a few new items to read:

Even Cowgirl's Get the Blues and Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins. Good to be able to pick both up for under $3, instead of $12 each. I'm quickly working my way through the Robbins library, and have yet to hit one of his books that I haven't liked.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut. I've really not read much Vonnegut, but since the Gaiman Hitchhiker book I was reading made the comparison between Adams and Vonnegut, that's enough for me to pick this one up (that and it was 45 cents).

Hollywood Urban Legends by Richard Roeper. I figured this one would be good bathroom reading material.

Mutant Message From Down Under by Marlo Morgan. I've not heard of it before, and it'll probably suck, but I'm up for it.

If They Only Knew "by" Chyna. In my continuing quest to read each and every wrestling biography I picked this one up off the $1 shelf.

Vineland and The Crying of Lot 49 by Thomas Pynchon. I now have three Pynchon books and have yet to read any of them, but I'm going to start on 49 after I finish the Hiaasen book that I'm on right now. 49 was positively mentioned in one of the Robert Anton Wilson books that I have, so that's good press for me.

The Talisman by King and Straub. I have a tendency to lose copies of this book (or accidentaly destroy them), so I picked up a hardback of it this time, and hopefully i'll still have it when I decide to read it again.

Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. Picked it up so that I can give it away.

Rebel Without a Crew by Robert Rodriguez. I like Robby and his movies and the fact that he is insane. Maybe I'll learn something new from the book that I didn't from the commentaries on Mariachi, Desperado and Once Apon a Time in Mexico, but I doubt it, but it should be entertaining.

Runic States by Kevin Steffen. A little book proposing to tie Germanic Runes to Quantum Theory, count me in.

This should give me a few weeks worth of reading material.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...