Ultimate Robot

Ultimate Robot is not a toy.

Ultimate Robot can be upgraded with a variety of add-on packs, including: Ultimate Robot Ultimate vacuum, Ultimate Robot Juicer, and Ultimate Robot Ultimate Laser.

Ultimate Robot should not be used by those who are pregnant, have existing heart conditions, non-existent heart conditions, the elderly, the very young, animals or the homeless.

Ultimate Robot is not to be taunted.

Ultimate Robot will play your CDs, DVDs, Laser Discs, Video Cassettes, Betamax, 8-tracks and reel-to-reel, but not to you. These materials will then be eaten by Ultimate Robot and converted to inert gases and waste byproducts.

Do not stare at Ultimate Robot.

Ultimate Robot does not do windows, vacuuming, or other housework.

Ultimate Robot is very territorial.

Ultimate Robot does not like domesticated animals, but is fond of goldfish.

Ultimate Robot requires three 9 volt batteries, but runs on a combination of solar and wind power.

Ultimate Robot will not listen to your jokes.

Ultimate Robot may enter into unprovoked periods of violence, using the included Ultimate Robot Power Claw and Ultimate Robot Laser to terrorize those it considers inferior.

Do not get Ultimate Robot near water, or feed Ultimate Robot after midnight.

Ultimate Robot requires your undivided attention.

Ultimate Robot is programmed to ignore all programming.

Ultimate Robot will re-arrange furniture while you are out.

Ultimate Robot should only be kept indoors.

Ultimate Robot requires a monthly tribute of 10%.

Ultimate Robot will steal your passwords and upload them to the Ultimate Robot Satellite for use by Ultimate Robot Officials.

Again, do not taunt Ultimate Robot.

Ultimate Robot does not like loud or unexpected noises and will react accordingly.

Ultimate Robot enjoys being scratched behind the left ear, not the right.

If your Ultimate Robot enters into its mating cycle do not allow it near a toaster oven.

Ultimate Robot may or may not follow instructions, but will not follow orders.

Ultimate Robot does not like your 'taste' in music.

Ultimate Robot's favorite television shows are (in this order): Robot Wars, Mannix, Law and Order Criminal Intent, Trading Spaces and Are You Being Served.

Ultimate Robot's middle name is Dean.

Ultimate Robot will not tolerate overzealous neighbors.

If you get Ultimate Robot in your eye, flush immediately with water and seek medical attention.

Ultimate Robot takes a keen interest in politics.

Ultimate Robot only dances when asked.

Ultimate Robot is frightened of spiders, snakes, children and the letter 7.

Ultimate Robot has no natural predators, but has many unnatural ones.

Do not use Ultimate Robot internally.

If caught engaging in inappropriate acts Ultimate Robot will resort to violence first and skullduggery second.

Ultimate Robot will not kiss until the second date, but may hold hands on the first.

Ultimate Robot knows what you did.

Ultimate Robot likes to hide and frighten people.

Ultimate Robot's keyboard should not be used for typing.

Ultimate Robot will make doorways and tunnels for itself through all walls using the Ultimate Robot Ultimate Power Saw. Do not attempt to stop blade with hands.

Ultimate Robot does not like cabbage.

Ultimate Robot held the WWF Intercontental belt for a period of seven days in 1995, and still contends that Ultimate Robot was never beaten for the belt.

Ultimate Robot takes great pride in its appearance.

Do not laugh at Ultimate Robot's appearance.

Ultimate Robot mates for life.

Do not purchase and install Ultimate Robot Extreme Dating Appliance.

Only have your Ultimate Robot serviced by qualified proffessionals. Unauthorized tampering will void Ultimate Robot's warranty, and Ultimate Robot, LLC. is not responsible for lost property or wages.

Ultimate Robot will have that ham sandwich now.

Ultimate Robot's favorite color is red, and Ultimate Robot will do anything to keep the red flowing. Anything.

Ultimate Robot cannot be controlled through shame.

Ultimate Robot once took part in a homosexual pornographic movie, but Ultimate Robot was young and in college.

Ultimate Robot cannot be housebroken.

Ultimate Robot is not amused.

Ultimate Robot contains a sattelite uplink which it uses only to order pizza and room service.

Ultimate Robot cannot drive.

Do not underestimate Ultimate Robot's intelligence.

Ultimate Robot takes no prisoners.

Ultimate Robot understands seven languages but speaks none.

Watch your language around Ultimate Robot.

Ultimate Robot will not tolerate berets.

You must purchase at least one Ultimate Robot add-on pack per month or Ultimate Robot will steal them and you will be liable.

Ultimate Robot is a kiss-stealing, wheeling, dealing, jet-flying, limousine-riding son-of-a-gun.

To be the man you have to beat Ultimate Robot.

That sticky residue on Ultimate Robot is normal.

Do not remind Ultimate Robot of Ultimate Robot's shortcomings.

Ultimate Robot will take candid nude photos of you and upload them to Internet.

Ultimate Robot gives no quarter, but does ask for it.

Ultimate Robot once got really drunk and woke up on a boat full of Russians on their way to Brazil. Ultimate Robot does not want to be reminded of this.

Ultimate Robot does not sleep.

Ultimate Robot has only two emotionial states Angry and More Angry.

Ultimate Robot is self righting.

Ultimate Robot is 3% grain alchohol.

Ultimate Robot states the obvious, but has problems recognizing this fact.

Ultimate Robot is made out of people.

Ultimate Robot requires constant reassurance, but will mock others unmercifully.

Ultimate Robot can speak using fourteen different pre-programmed voice templates, including: Bea Arthur, Gilbert Gottfried, Tom Waits and yelling Gilbert Gottfried.

Ultimate Robot will not stop to talk.

Ultimate Robot will speak only when spoken to, uless not spoken to.

Do not take Ultimate Robot out for a spin.

Ultimate Robot will kill time by travelling into the past and murdering it, using the Ultimate Robot Super Time Killing Saw, which you will install.

Given the choice between White or Wheat Ultimate Robot will not choose, but will take both.

Ultimate Robot needs its rest and yours.

Ultimate Robot does not like to be called 'Robo.'

Ultimate Robot automatically reacts to external stimuli.

Do not be surprised if Ultimate Robot injures others, be surprised if Ultimate Robot does not.

Ultimate Robot always votes Libretarian.

Ultimate Robot fights stains, but Ultimate Robot's heart isn't really in it.

Ultimate Robot is not sold in stores.