Ok so I am a bit obsessive. I know that Fox News case was thrown out on its ass, but I was getting this ready anyway. I found the link to the text of the lawsuit filed against Franken and I was going through and picking it apart a bit myself. I really don't think that many people read it too closely, because there's some really, really dumb stuff in here.

Firstly, the original document:
The original .pdf of the lawsuit
The .html version at Daily Rotten

Now some fairly imbalanced comentary.

I dont' read alot of documents written by lawyers for the courts, but are they usually this smarmy and self aggrandizing?

6. Moreover, since Franken's reputation as a political commentator is not of the same caliber as the stellar reputations of FNC's on-air talent, any association between Franken and Fox News is likely to blur or tarnish Fox News' distinctive mark in violation of 15 U.S.C. § 1125(c)(1) and New York General Business Law § 360-1.

Stellar reputations? Bill O'Reilly has a stellar reputation? I might buy a couple of their commentators as having pretty good reps, but stellar? Shepard Smith, stellar?

8. So that Fox News may protect its valuable trademark rights, this Court should preliminarily and permanently enjoin Defendants from using the "Fair and Balanced" trademark or any other Fox News trademark, and from using any and all photographs of O'Reilly or any other Fox News on-air talent on the cover of their Book.

Actually you only have to have the photographers permission to use a photo of someone, unless the photo in question could be construed on it's face to be slanderous or invading privacy (IE nude photos or digitally altered phots, etc.) This bit of information I learned on the incredibly informative audio commentary track on the first season of South Park.

11, Upon information and belief, defendant Franken is an individual residing REDACTED , New York, New York. Franken achieved some renown as a comedy writer in the 1970's, when he worked for the television program "Saturday Night Live." Since 1995, after Franken left a second stint with "Saturday Night Live," he has attempted to remake himself into a political commentator. In 1998, Franken wrote and hosted a political television program called "Lateline," which appeared on the NBC television network. Upon information and belief, Franken's guests on "Lateline" included well-known political figures Richard Gephardt, Jerry Falwell and Robert Reich. "Lateline" was cancelled after only 19 episodes. Since then, Franken has made dozens of appearances on television news programs, including FNC. Franken has appeared as a guest on FNC at least ten times from March 1998 until as late as December 2002. However, he is not affiliated in any way with Fox News. Upon information and belief, Franken is currently attempting to gain support to start a political talk radio program.

Sweet Jesus, we can't let him become popular, can we? Was that a thinly veiled swipe saying...'look he couldn't even carry a show for more than 19 weeks.'? Most shows don't last that long. Since when has the ability to sustain a television show been the benchmark of a career. And do they really suggest that he is trying to get a radio show by saying he is a member of the Fox News staff?

16. At present FNC has over 80 million subscribers throughout the United States. This number is up from 13 million subscribers at the time of the network's inception. Indeed, FNC's subscribership has grown steadily every year since its initial launch

I didn't choose to subscribe to it, it came with the package. In fact I think I'd like to spearhead a campaign to have it removed from my cable services basic package. I'd much rather have another Outdoor Life Channel, or maybe just another C-Span.

18. O'Reilly himself has become a national celebrity and one of America's most trusted sources of news and information. He is inextricably linked with Fox News and the "Fair and Balanced" trademark in the minds of the viewing public.

Bill O'Reilly is one of America's most trusted sources of news and information? Since when exactly? He is a commentator, plain and simple. He is no more a newsman than G.G. Liddy or Art Bell are.

22. On April 23, 1997, Fox News applied to the United States Patent and Trademark Office ("PTO") for a trademark in the phrase "Fair & Balanced" for "entertainment services in the nature of production and distribution of television news programs." On December 22, 1998, Fox News' trademark in "Fair & Balanced" was registered on the PTO's Principal Register. Since then, Fox News has also obtained a registration on the Principal Register in "Fair. Balanced. Unafraid." (Reg. No. 2,713,414) in connection with neckties.

Good thing Al wasn't wearing a fair and balanced necktie on the book cover. Then they would really have had them. Does the necktie bit really need to be in a legal brief? Were they planning on using that in a trial?

24. FNC continually employs the phrase "Fair and Balanced" throughout it programming. The phrase is used consistently and regularly by FNC's on-air personalities. Fox News has also used the phrase in numerous print, radio, television and billboard advertisements. For example, news personality Brit Hume concludes every broadcast of "Special Report with Brit Hume," by saying "stay tuned for news fair, balanced and unafraid."

So, since they use it, no one else can, right? That means that since I'm parodying it on my site, I am liable to get myself sued, right?

25. In addition, Fox News has developed merchandise for sale in The Fox News Shop on its web site, www.foxnews.com that includes the "Fair and Balanced" logo. For example, a mug sold on the Fox News web site has the Fox News logo on the front and the mark "Fair and Balanced" inside the mug. Another Fox News mug contains the phrase "Balance is Important in News and Hot Coffee." There is also a "Fair and Balanced" necktie available for sale on the Fox News web site in a number of colors.

Well shit, Franken could keep people from buying quality mugs and whatnot. Neckties too. They might think that those fine pieces of merchandise are liberal propaganda.

36. Shortly thereafter, O'Reilly and Franken engaged in a heated debate about the title and cover of the Book, in which O'Reilly voiced his distaste for name-calling in political analysis. During the debate, Franken made pointed reference to the phrase "Fair and Balanced" in the title of his book and indicated that it was a reference to FNC.

After voicing his distate for name calling, O'Reilly then called Franken an idiot. Class all the way.

50. As a result, Fox News is suffering irreparable harm.
51. Fox News is, therefore, entitled to preliminary and permanent injunctive relief and money damages.

They're suffering irreparable harm, but sheeit, a big chunk of money will go a long way towards fixing it.

67. Because of this extensive marketing program and ratings success, "Fair and Balanced" has become synonymous in the minds of the public with FNC.

A bit presumptuous telling us what's in our mind's, eh. I'm pretty sure that all the tinfoil that I've lined my apartment and baseball caps with blocks all of their thought spying.

77. Franken has recently been described as a "C-level political commentator" who is "increasingly unfunny." Franken has physically accosted Fox News personalities in the past, and was reported to have appeared either intoxicated or deranged as he flew into a rage near a table of Fox News personalities at a press correspondents' dinner in April 2003. Franken is neither a journalist nor a television news personality. He is not a well-respected voice in American politics; rather, he appears to be shrill and unstable. His views lack any serious depth or insight. Franken is commonly perceived as having to trade off of the name recognition of others in order to make money. One commentator has referred to Franken as a "parasite" for attempting to trade off of Fox News' brand and O'Reilly's fame in the Preliminary Cover of his Book.

Who are these unnamed sources? I would think that if it is public record, you could name them. I'm afraid it's probably someone on Fox News though. O'Reilly has been called a worthless hack journalist by me, and totally unfunny with no possible way to increase the unfunny as far as I can see.

Here's what Al should do: have an artist, say one of the guys at Mad Magazine, draw the cover of his book and make O'Reilly and the others look even worse. Draw them right in the Fox News studio. Last time I checked, Mad is listed as satire, sophmoric, maybe, but satire nonetheless.

Wouldn't it be funny if the final cover of the book really had no relation to the preliminary one, but was much worse? or if the title was something like "Bill O'Reilly blows goats and I have pictures: A fair and balanced look at the right."

Must keep FoxNews from reading my thoughts. Must not let Shepard Smith know of my true feelings. STAY OUT OF MY BRAIN FOXNEWS!

This is the last I'll have to say on the matter, assuming there is no appeal to this case.