Two Marvel Screencaps

Firstly, Kelsey Grammer as the Beast:

I don't think it looks that bad, but I reserve judgment until I see him moving.

And what is purported to be the CGI-Flaming Skull of Ghost Rider:

Alls I can say there is, I really, really hope not. Hopefully this is a really early crack at it and it will be fixed and forgotten like that first shot of Wolverine swinging around the spike on the Statue of Liberty that was never seen again after the fist trailer for X-Men. Or, maybe it's just a hoax.

The problem is that the flames don't cast any light on their surroundings, magical or not, if you can see flames, they're probably generating light. Also, if they want to be realistic, you shouldn't see so much of the skull through the flames.

Whatever, I've already spent more time analyzing this picture than I meant to.

My Move

1. e2-e4

Happy Holidays

Merry Chrismahanaqwanzikah everybody. I know that I'm a bit late on this subject as the furor has died down mostly when I think talk-radio and Fox-News hosts found something else to be outraged about, but I'd like to weigh in on we Liberal's War On Christmas.

You know I find it sad when you can't even count on the stores themselves to remember that the true meaning of Christmas is crass-commercialization. Here you have outfits telling their employees that they'd rather they say Happy Holidays to shoppers instead of Merry Christmas (Though it's not like they can really make anyone say one thing or the other). How are we supposed to remember that we're buying Christmas Presents?

It's not like there's gi-normous Christmas sections in these stores or anything. And it's not like they play nothing but horrible Christmas song covers over and over again (mixed with some Muppet Christmas songs that are not horrible).

These stores are forgetting who butters their bread, God-Fearing-Present-Buying-Americans. This is a sad, sad war on Christmas indeed when people are trying to be inclusive, and trying to drive the commercialization out of Christmas.

Eddie Guerrero, Dead at 38

Eddie Guerrero, Dead at 38

Very, very sad news.

I Killed Braveheart

King Edward I You scored 61 Wisdom, 73 Tactics, 43 Guts, and 51 Ruthlessness!

Or rather, King Edward the Longshanks if you've seen Braveheart. You, like Edward, are incredibly smart and shrewd, but you win at any costs.... William Wallace died at his hands after a fierce Scottish rebellion against his reign. Despite his reputation though, Longshanks had the best interests of his people at heart. But God help you if you got on his bad side.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 43% on Unorthodox You scored higher than 58% on Tactics You scored higher than 11% on Guts You scored higher than 64% on Ruthlessness

Link: The Which Historic General Are You Test written by dasnyds on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Mawwige

As Tommy reported, I did, indeed get married last Sunday (9/18). Roxanne and I said our vows at my parents house in front of her parents and mine, as well as my sister. I'll talk more about it later, but for now for everybody who wasn't there, here are some pictures taken by her mother. I'll try to get other pictures up soon.

We went to Gatlinburg for our Honeymoon, and had a wonderful time. I'm sorry that we didn't invite more people to the wedding, but we wanted to keep it small and as non-stressful as possible.

All I can say is that I feel incredibly fortunate to have this wonderful woman in my life, and amazed that I somehow convinced her to marry me.

Long Time, No Post

Sorry for the delay between posts here but there's been a lot of life happening around here. I'll speak of it more at length soon.

For now, enjoy the pictures.

Pictures From Barry's Show

Last Thursday at the the McMinn County Regional Fair Barry, a feller I've known since he was a lad, wrestled Raven under a tent for the main event of an Extreme Grappling Organization (EGO because they have one) event. Here is the photo evidence:

Much of my time videotaping was spent filming the lights and rides and not the wrestling.

Not many people realize that BST is a Lucha Libre superstar.

Or that I am as well. (dig my pink mask)

Raven (it was his birthday) wrestled Barry in a reasonably good match. It was better than the rest of the card, but why did Barry decide to dress as Wolverine?

WWE Pictures

Pictures from WWE show I attended with BST and his Brother-in-law at the UTC Roundhouse a couple of weeks ago:

What are the Odds?

Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

I had wondered

THE BEAT with a link to a story about indy wrestler Shark Boy's new trademark infringement lawsuit against Robby Rodriguez's new "Adventrures of Shark boy and Lava Girl" film.

I seriously doubt that Robby intentionally ripped Sharky off, but I would think there will be a modest size settlement here nonetheless. The shark boy movie kid's costume even has the shark coming up on the chest just like the wrestler's.

Episode III

I may lose some geek cred on this one, but I have to be honest, I wasn't that overly impressed with Episode III.

That's not to say that I didn't like it, because I did. I liked it in much the same way that I liked Episodes I and II. I enjoyed the spectacle of it all, but it came across as a bit shallow. I enjoyed the movie for what it was, but I wish that it could have been more. Lucas had 20 years to work on the story and the characters for this film, but it doesn't seem like he used the time wisely.

It needs to be said, and has already been said that George Lucas can't write dialogue for anything. He also, apparently can't see the proper emotional points to push in the story that he has (more on that later). I also get the impression that he's not much of an actor's director, though that could just be due to the hip-hop producer style way that he put these films together, with some actors such as Christopher Lee (who is horribly underused in this film and the series as a whole) not even being present with other actors in his scenes.

Kevin Smith wrote in Rolling Stone and on his site that this was a homerun and better than Empire, but I disagree. I think this film was exactly the final piece in a thoroughly adequate trilogy of films.

But this is an ever so pretty film, and the dueling sequences are well done, especially the last one.

This film is supposed to be about Anakin, but, I think that Obi-Wan steals the show, much like Han Solo did in the originals. The fight between the two of them at the end was the only truly emotionally spot on part of the film.

In the end, that is why the film doesn't totally work for me, it kept seeming that the characters just weren't doing the things that they would do.

Continue reading the full post. Warning, there be spoilers.

What didn't work and why:

• For one, I don't see Yoda running after the fight with Palpatine. I did not get the feeling from the sequence that he was injured that badly (though that might just be that I don't think the digital Yoda is that emotive; I think the puppet worked much better in that respect), and I immediately thought of Die-Hard as he crawled through the tunnel.



• Amidala becomes Morpheus from the third Matrix film in this movie, she doesn't have anything to do. She's a Senator, but from the way the movie presents it, or doesn't, that seems to just consists of going sitting in the Senate chambers and not actually doing anything governmental, and sitting in her lofty tower the rest of the time. Also, I find it hard to believe that nobody noticed that she was very pregnant and didn't infer who the father was, or even wonder. I would have to think that this would be a huge scandal for an unmarried senator to suddenly be pregnant. Also, if she was that far along, how is it that she never visited a doctor or medical droid that could tell her she was carrying twins? You'd think that would come up.
  
  She dies of a broken heart? Would it have been so horrible for Anakin's force squeezing to have done the job, even going so far as to put her in a coma? The bit where the droid was showing her the babies and she was naming them seemed like a hurry up before she dies moment, and has no real emotional resonance for me since it seemed like she was just pulling names out of the air. It would have worked better to just let Bail and Owen/Beru name the kids.
  
  [Roxanne brought up something interesting. She said that she heard that originally Owen was going to be Obi-Wan's brother. That would have made much more sense from a storytelling standpoint as to why Vader didn't ever find out about Luke living with his relatives, and it would also have given insight into Obi-Wan's background. There would be the possibility to show how his joining the order could have strained relations with his family, and over all given Ewan even more to work with for the character]
  
  
• Palpatine dispatches of the remaining members of the Jedi council (except for Mace) waaaaaaaaaaaaay to easily. I don't see them being the super-badass lords of the galaxy if they don't even get to throw up one block. Clone Wars spent a lot of time building up the badassedness of Kit Fisto, and he doesn't even last five seconds. It would have been better to just have started the movie with two or three of the members already dead and their chairs in the council empty. That would have been a subtle hint at the precariousness of the situation. Instead they got to fill the roll of jobbers to put Palpatine over as a badass. His fight with Mace should have done that.
  
  
• There are times where the CGI in this film doesn't work for me. It was mostly minor things that brought me out of the movie, like Dooku's entrance and flip down to the lower level at the beginning. Is it impossible that an old man could just be a badass with the saber and not need the flippy-flippy? I would still have preferred Yoda's fighting style to have been all force throws and using the force to wield his lightsaber out in front of him.
  
  
• This is a big one. Anakin's eyes should have gone red/gold after killing the jedi younglings, not after killing Nute Gunray and his ilk. He killed a roomful of children in cold blood. Children. If there was a point where he was damned that was it. That was the point he truly embraced the darkside, that was the point of no return. I think that the scene played well, but it was undercut by his seemingly needing to kill the trade federation to truly turn.
  
  
• This movie should have been split into three parts to tell the tale. Instead we have a film that is crammed full of plot so much that they can't spend time on the characters who get lost in the shuffle. Lucas says in Rolling Stone:

  ...when I said that I was going to do the prequals, everybody said,"That's great, we get to see Darth Vader kill everybody." And I said, "That's not the story." When I announced that the first story was going to be about a nine-year-old boy, everybody here said,"That's insane, you're going to destroy the whole franchise, it's More American Graffitti all over again." And I said,"Yeah, but this is the story.
  
  "I don't have the energy to just make hit movies. I'm not going to make James Bond Pt. 21--I'm just not interested. Everybody said to drop the stuff about the midichlorians, it makes it too confusing. But it's a metaphor for a symbiotic relationship that allows life to exist. Everybody said it was going to be a giant turkey: "This isn't going to help Lucasfilm at all." I said,"This is about the movie and the company is just going to have to deal with whatever happens." That's one of the reasons why there was so much hype of the first prequel: Everybody was terrified.

  
  
  No, the reason there was so much hype is that the original trilogy are beloved films, and there were millions spent in the marketing of the prequels. But that's neither here nor there. What the above tells me is that George doesn't actually understand what people are saying when they criticize his decisions. The midichlorians aren't confusing, the problem with them is that they remove the confusion/mysticism. I understand his thought process on this, but he's just plain damn wrong. There is no need to explain why people are able to interact with the force on a scientific basis, because it is magic.
  
  
  But back to the original point here this last film should have been the story. Broken up it would have had enough room to breathe. We didn't need to know the inner workings of the Jedi council, or every little bit about the war. Lord knows Lucas likes the exposition, he could have just fucking told us the salient points in the text crawl before the movies--that's what they're there for!
  
  The first film should have started with the WAR headline over the text crawl.
  
  Too much time was wasted in these movies with things that advance the plot, but do nothing to further the action. That's why this movie seems so crammed full while at the same time feeling so hollow, there are too many things trying to be established in too little time. Lucas wasted a whole lot of time in the earlier films with pod-races and bad dialogue, when he should have been setting some of these things up a little earlier.
  
  It's like Tommy has said about superhero movies, he wishes that they would just tell their stories, rather than feeling the need to explain everything. If you are watching a kung-fu movie, you know that the people will be flipping around and maybe flying. Super-hero films should be the same way.
  
  I wish that Lucas could have learned from the Buckaroo Banzai approach the best way to homage the old movie serials is to just go and not worry about explanations. If he'd taken that approach to these films, then my earlier bullet points would be pointless, but he didn't. Instead we are treated to three films full of exposition and explanation, and I think that I am justified in applying a bit higher standards.
  
  Lucas should have brought in Robert Rodriguez to direct these films, he understands all this. I don't care that his films don't always hold up to scrutiny or even make much sense, but Lucas has built an empire on making people want to care about those things. For shitssake each and every little minor character in these films has a name and some form of background that is explained in some book or comic or game.
  

Enough of the griping.

In the end I was left with the same feeling that I had after Episode's I and II; they were cool, but I don't ever really need to see them again. I still haven't watched any of II since my only viewing in the theater. I'm more likely to watch the Clone Wars cartoon again than I am any of these films. I'd like to see the Anakin/Obi-Wan fight again, but that's pretty much it.

Mark my words, this is not the last Star Wars film that we will see. It might not happen for another 20 years, and probably not with Lucas at the helm, but there will be more. In fact I don't think it will take 20 years my money is on 5.

Valis

Selections from PKD's Valis:

I've always told people that for each person there is a sentence--a series of words--which has the power to destroy him. When Fat told me about Leon Stone I realized (this came years after the first realization) that another sentence exists, another series of words, which will heal the person. If you're lucky you will get the second; but you can be certain of getting the first; that is the way it works. On their own, without training, individuals know how to deal out the second.
....
In his study of the form that masochism takes in modern man, Theodor Reik puts forth an interesting view. Masochism is more widespread than we realize because it takes an attenuated form. the basic dynamism is as follows: a human being sees something bad which is coming as inevitable. There is no way he can halt the process; he is helpless. This sense of helplessness generates a need to gain some control over the impending pain--any kind of control will do. This makes sense; the subjective feeling of helplessness is more painful than the impending misery; he hastens it. This activity on his part promotes the false impression that he enjoys pain. Not so. It is simply that he cannot any longer endure the helplessness or the supposed helplessness. But in the process of gaining control over the inevitable misery he becomes, automatically, anhedonic (which means being unable or unwilling to enjoy pleasure). Anhedonia sets in stealthily. Over the years it takes control of him. For example, he lears to defer gratification; this is a step in the dismal process of anhedonia. In learning to defer gratification he experiences a sense of self-mastery; he has become stoic, disciplined; he does not give way to impulse. He has control. Control over himself in terms of his impulses and control over the external situation. He is a controlled and controlling person. Pretty soon he has branched out and is controlling other people, as part of the situation. He becomes a manipulator. Of course he is not consciously aware of this; all he intends to do is lessen his own sense of impotence. But in his task of lessening this sense, he insidiously overpowers the freedom of others. Yet, he derives no pleasure from this, ho positive psychological gaim; all his gains are essentially negative.

Hard and Phirm

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For Your Calendar

Warren says:

I believe that on June 6, 2006, the web should proclaim its love for Satan.

Personally I think it should be on June 6, 2007 which would be my 30th birthday, rather than 2006 which is my 29th.

Scattershot Revisited

"Mmmm, it tastes like bubble-bath smells."

--My Sister

---------------------------------

Via bOINGbOING:

Awesome!! W remixed so that he sings Lennon's Imagine and Walk on the Wild Side. It comes across strangely like a Shatner Song.

From thepartyparty.com"

---------------------------------

"Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me
There's no place I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me..."

Serenity movie trailer. I'm assuming we'll finally find out the secret of Blue Sun.

-------------------------------------

Dr. Seuss goes to war.

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Marshall McLuhan .Mp3's, including a sound collage album.

-------------------------------------

From the makers of Silence, the Silence of the Lambs musical, comes "RoboCop, the musical"

Stolen From Tommy

Saturday Movie Meme thing


1. The last movie you went to see in a theater:
"Sin City"

2. The last movie you watched at home:
My sister was watching "House of 1000 Corpses" and I was in the room.

3. How many movies do you own?
400+, mostly on DVD.

4. Got Netflix (or a similar service)?
Oh yeah.

5. List five movies you adore (or mean a lot to you.)
"Amelie," "The Big Lebowski," "Blind Fury," "The Empire Strikes Back," "The Wizard of Oz"

6. What’s in the Netflix queue?
"24 Season 3"
"Homicide, Season 1 and 2"
"WWE: Rob Van Damme One of a Kind"
"The Warriors"
"Mean Girls"
"Walking Tall"
"Saved"
Then about 180 more different things.

Spoke Too Soon

Last week when I said that my phone was up and running, it was. Then, not so much after that.

It seems that Hillbilly Phone Company find it to be acceptable to merely run the phone line across the ground from the pole to my house, rather than, say, suspending it in the air, or burying it like the old line.

They also don't seem to think it necessary to leave a note or anything that this was their decision.

They fixed it, then the line was cut by the lawnmower by accident.

Then it took them almost a week to come and fix it again, and, lo and behold, they again left it running across the ground and left no note, but this time they took the extra step of marking the gas line with little orange flags before they went away.

It has now been four days since they did that.

I'm wondering if they are going to come and bury it or not.

But, the moral of the story is that the phone works again, for now.

Scattershot

Been gone for awhile and am just getting used to what are seemingly blindingly fast connection speeds after a lengthy period of using a noisy phone line that tended to lose signal. Also the hillbilly phone company installed a folgers can at the end of my line instead of the old campbell's soup can, so the internets have a much larger hole to flow through.

Hopefully this will inspire more of the typing of thoughts that the occasional person reads.

--

First off I know what you all (except Tommy) have been asking yourselves, "What does Bill think of the current direction of the wrestling world?"

Well, I'm glad you asked, I think there is a discernible lack of direction guiding the only to American Wrestling companies worth talking about. The WWE has too many Ortons and no idea what they are doing, and are afraid to break Batista's push by actually letting him do anything, and TNA is still being booked by Dusty Rhodes, who thinks it is a good idea to run a pay-per view that consists of eight cage matches.

I long for the next Evolution in wrestling (or just a return to plausible storytelling, backed by solid ring action)

Do the WWE just want to kill their women's division again, or are they so delusional that they think they are re-building with all the Diva Search nonsense?

Bad, bad WWE for releasing Matt Hardy.

--

Sin City is brilliant. You will either love it or hate it, there is no possible middle ground that I can see.

--

I begin a new job on Monday with training at another store. Huzzah for switching jobs every three to four months!

--

I should be updating the Read List at some point, though at this point I am about twenty books past the last update, and likely won't remember them all.

--

I went to Ink and Blood, a display of Dead Sea Scroll fragments, among other things, over the weekend with my mother and Roxanne. Had an excellent time, saw some cool old stuff and got to hit McKay's on the way back (I still would like to apologize for pulling Dave McKean's book Cages out of Roxanne's hands, it was quite the rude thing to do).

--

I have it on good authority that someone in my immediate family may have gainful employment in the near future.

--

I believe it is almost time to bust out the hammock down by the creek.

--

Next Saturday there is a wrestling show at Riceville Elementary School being put on by Bert Prentice's promotion. I'm planning on going with Tommy and possibly my sister if she would like to go. I have high standards for shows at that school as last time the main event featured Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy and Craig "Pittbull" Pittman taking on the team of Pistol Pez Watly and Bullet Bob Armstrong.

I only hope that Big Bully Douglas is on the card as he is my favorite wrestler of all time.

I loves me some Bully.

--

Look for a site re-design soon.

Out Not Running Over Panels

Shit and potatoes, my hillbilly phone company has had me offline for a week or so, plus the general three weeks or so of incredible laziness before that have coupled together for a lengthy run of the no posting.

This will be rectified shortly...not now, but within the next few days I will begin my metatextual assault yet again.

Feh.

Sound of the Day

Otis asks: "Bill? What kindof name is Bill..."

Nothing Remotely Homoerotic Here

Jake "David Crosby" Roberts looks positively coy as Young Randall Orton smells his hair.

Sweet Hot Mister Mustard

From MeFi:

MP3's of a 1969 Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan recording session. You actually can hear Bob Dylan sing not in that Bob Dylan style we all know and love.

Propaganda Leaflet database

101 Zen Stories

Old West Engrish?

I was watching the documentaries on Deadwood Season One, and I happened to notice something in the archival photographs that were flashing by:

Is Hong Kee an intentional joke, or is this an old west version of engrish?

Two From Tommy

First, since Tommy mentioned his ranking (no doubt due to AMC repeating them ad-naseum for the last few weeks) of the Rocky films, here is my own ranking from worst to first:

Rocky V
Rocky III
Rocky II
Rocky
Rocky IV

And, unlike Tommy, I like IV precisely because of the several musical montages. I love me some musical montages. I think that the new Rocky film that Sly is trying to get made should be only musical training and fight montages.

Now on to the second part,

A Book Meme

You’re stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

A fireproof one, maybe made of asbestos, or one that is flamable, but very, very well hidden.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Not so much a crush, but if Amanda from Tom Robbins Another Roadside Attraction were a real person I would be in love with her.

The last book you bought is:

A second copy of Kurt Vonnegut's Player Piano because I lost my first one. I found the old one just a few days ago under the passenger seat of my truck.

The last book you read:

Jon Stewart's Naked Pictures of Famous People.

What are you currently reading?

Kurt Vonnegut's Player Piano

Five books you would take to a deserted island.

My copy of the Army Field Survival Handbook, and Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon and his Baroque Cycle. Stephenson's books would guarentee that I would have plenty of reading material for years to come.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why

I'll just leave it open to people in comments or whatnot that would like to reply.

Ultimate Robot III

Ultimate Robot contains only moving parts.

Ultimate Robot is delicious.

Ultimate Robot is not recommended for the near-sighted.

Ultimate Robot must be bathed regularly to remain in proper working order.

Ultimate Robot does not understand sarcasm.

Ultimate Robot thinks your pain is funny.

Ultimate Robot will only misunderestimate you once.

Do not use Ultimate Robot internally.

Keep Ultimate Robot within the reach of children.

Do not use Ultimate Robot near fire or flame.

Ultimate Robot is excellent for removing grease, oil stains, tar and labels.

Ultimate Robot has no mercy.

Ultimate Robot does not believe that.

Ultimate Robot is bigger than you think.

Ultimate Robot does not do any good.

No photography of Ultimate Robot is permitted.

It's all grist for the mill that is Ultimate Robot.

Periodically, Ultimate Robot may deem it necessary to make upgrades to its systems. Do not attempt to help and or stop Ultimate Robot if this occurs.

Ultimate Robot is made of people.

Ask Ultimate Robot no questions and it will tell you lies.

Ultimate Robot does not believe in a power greater than man, other than Ultimate Robot.

Ultimate Robot is not 'artsy fartsy.'

Do not install Ultimate Robot backwards.

Ultimate Robot is not one for formality.

Only one thing will stop Ultimate Robot when Ultimate Robot is in a tizzy.

Ultimate Robot just farted.

Ultimate Robot is big in Japan.

Ultimate Robot is full of grace.

Ultimate Robot makes no distinction between meatbags.

Ultimate Robot may not be suitable for all genders.

Ultimate Robot has no natural enemies, only unnatural ones.

Consult a physician before engaging in Ultimate Robot.

Ultimate Robot has nothing to hide.

Ultimate Robot often hides in plain sight, but, more often than not, is right where you'd least expect Ultimate Robot.

Ultimate Robot may be harmful or fatal if swallowed.

Avoid inhaling Ultimate Robot's vapors.

Avoid using Ultimate Robot if you ever want to have children of your own.

Ultimate Robot can open any and all doors.

Ultimate Robot values Ultimate Robot's privacy, but not yours.

Forget about Ultimate Robot.

Ultimate Robot is programmed to forget all anniversaries and important dates.

Ultimate Robot could be anywhere right now.

Ultimate Robot is happiest when destroying evidence.

Ultimate Robot contains no moving parts.

Ultimate Robot is not convinced it is on the wrong side.

Ultimate Robot contains no cholesterol.

Ultimate Robot contains carcinogens.

Ultimate Robot has an active fantasy life. Very active. Too active, in fact.

Ultimate Robot takes no pride in your appearance.

Ultimate Robot contains no artificial colors, but does contain artificial colours.

Ultimate Robot was trained by monkeys. Space monkeys.

Ultimate Robot imagines Ultimate Robot competing against legends like Randy Ferby, as Ultimate Robot takes Ultimate Robot's rookie team from the local ice rink, all the way to the World Championships.

Ultimate Robot is not trying to be funny.

Superstar Suspected Terrorist?

By way of Boing Boing:

The Canadian Minister of Defense was recently stopped at an US Airport and made to prove that he was who he said he was. His name showed up on the governments watch list.

"'Apparently there is another Bill Graham out there somewhere who did something to get his name on an American watch list,' the paper quoted an aide as saying. 'Mr. Graham was obliged to prove that he was the other Bill Graham, the one in charge of the Canadian (armed) forces.'"

Could that other Bill Graham that the government is watching be Superstar Billy Graham? He did just show up on WWE Raw this week and may have destabilized the wrestling world by partly inspiring Young Randall Orton to challenge the Undertaker at this year's Wrestlemania.

Hmmmm.

Or could it be Rev. Billy Graham that they are watching? My money's on the Superstar.

No Hamburger

"No money, no hamburgers."

Darius Rucker and Cursed

Check out Vern at AICN's review of Wes Craven's new film Cursed. I laughed more than twice. From the sound of it the review is about twenty times better than the movie. I especially liked this part about making films by committee.

This is not a process that works. You can't have somebody half finish a script, then start filming, then tell them you want something else and have them rewrite it, then when it's finished try to cut it into something else you thought of later. How many times can you make that mistake and not figure out what's what? I'm telling you guys, you just can't make a good movie the way you are trying to make movies. You can't even make a good sandwich that way. You'd end up with peanut butter and dijon mustard, with lightning bolt shaped bread that has jalapeno cheese sauce in the crust, and a little screen made out of white chocolate that you can use to look up football scores and download the new song by Ludacris. These people cannot be trusted to make decisions about art or entertainment. They should not be allowed out of their houses.

Also, Darius Rucker has officially hit the bottom with his new Burger King Tender Crisp Sandwich Cowboy Video Commercial. At least he's gotten me and others to notice him again though.

Dusty Booking

I caught about half of TNA Impact today and saw that they have decided on the name The New Age Outlaw for the wrestler formerly known as Billy Gunn. I'm guessing that the WWE owns the copyright/TM on New Age Outlaws, but not Outlaw, but I also imagine that Vince and Co will look into making them stop.

Also at the next pay-per-view the X-Division title will be determined in an Ultimate X match booked by Dusty which starts as a tag-match, I think it went something like this:

The match begins as a tag team bout until one person is pinned, and then it becomes a triple threat match until another wrestler is eliminated, then three envelopes will be lowered from the ceiling, each containing a name of a weapon which can then be used to break open one of the four Plexiglas cages located on the top layer of the three level cage which will then be erected by the two eliminated wrestlers (the weapons are also legal in the match)

Inside each of the Plexiglas cages is a telephone that will only work if the proper number is dialed. The number is to be determined by correctly re-arranging the five digits displayed on five signs held up by five fans.

Once the proper number is dialed the wrestler will hear a message telling them the address they are to drive to await further instructions.

While that is happening the two eliminated wrestlers (after erecting the cage) and the wrestler who does not correctly dial the number will then be joined by four other randomly determined wrestlers and will compete in a hardcore battle royal until only two men remain who will then have a tag team match for the Tag Team Championships!

HST R.I.P.

I always assumed that Hunter Thompson would live forever, like Keith Richards, with his organs pickled by Wild Turkey and Mescaline.

I Imagine that being Hunter Thompson was pretty difficult, since he created a character for himself that was one of mythic proportions.

I wish that there were legions of crazed, drunken and drugged Gonzo Journalists roaming the lands and stirring shit up with Hunter as their Undead Zombie King, but now that shall not be.

I don't have any more words for now.

Bad Cartoons

Sweet Jesus Fox, please, please, please put those new Family Guy episodes on the fast track, because American Dad is horrible. Horrible. It's like a badly done parody of Family Guy.

Also, I'm hoping that the story about Loonatics, an updated Looney Tunes for the Anime Generation is all a horrible hoax, but I have a sinking feeling that it is not.

More Identity Theft

Not only have Wil Wheaton and CSI stolen my appearance, but Penn Jillette has seen into my very soul, into the innermost secrets of my person.

He was reading everything Kurt Vonnegut wrote and eating a lot of candy...Really nothing but candy. For the last six months, he ate nothing but candy: not a French fry, not a grape.

That's from Penn's novel Sock. How does he see into me like that?

Where are they now?

Wesley Crusher:

It's Wil Wheaton as crazy Walter from a currently filming episode of CSI. I'm really tired of television series ripping off my look, but I am happy that I've finally found the perfect actor to portray me in film.

Catch Up

"A Blooming Onion? I would not like some of your deep-fried ball of onion."
--Chris Jericho

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Is it wrong that I thought it was funny when I heard a kid at work crying "I'm peeing in my pants!"

It wasn't what he said that was so funny, it was the completely horrified way that he was saying it.

Also, just as a public service announcement, if you can't fit something into a shopping cart, you can't fit it into your car. I can fit it in your car, but there will be some breakage.

Also, I have loaded the same type of entertainment center into two different SUV's in the last month and both of them had broken rear windows.

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I'll laugh like this in twenty years.

More of the same.

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I'm still not sold on the story for Constantine. I've now read both the comics adaptation and the novelization by John Shirley, and it still doesn't totally work for me, but I hear the movie is oh so very pretty.

The laughs above are from the end of the world episode of Penn and Teller's Bullshit. I bought the first two seasons and I'm enjoying them quite a bit.

I'm also watching the first season of 24 and it is quite good, just as everyone says it is.

This is all for now.

On and off the tube

Enterprise=canceled. Now I'll never find out who the mysterious future being messing with the past of the Federation was. This makes it the first of the series since TOS not to run the full seven seasons. Hooray!

Marvel should have their Giant Sized Man-Thing examined, because it don't look good.

Sam Raimi has confirmed that he will direct Bruce Campbell in Evil Dead 4, as well as oversee a remake. (not really television news, but, oh well)

There is a Kolchak the Nightstalker re-make in production by one of the guys who worked on X-Files.

...and Enterprise is cancelled. Hooray!

Sideways

Sideways isn't really a comedy like the ads say. Nor is it one of the best films of last year. It's a bit like Radio in its attempt to be an Oscar contender, though a little more subtle than Cuba Gooding, Jr. with fake teeth.

It seems to want to be a zany buddy/romantic comedy, but never really lets itself get over itself.

But I don't know anything about wine, so maybe there were some really funny wine jokes that slipped by me, but I doubt it.

There's a lot of talking about wine in this one.

There's also a scary running naked guy near the end that could be a centerpiece in a really funny comedy.

In fact, I see that M.C. Gainey, the big scary naked guy will be playing Roscoe P. Coltrane in the new Dukes of Hazzard movie. Now I have the incredibly hilarious image of Roscoe running naked after them Duke boys doing the "do-do-do" laugh from the show.

I'm not really offended, or surprised that Paul Giamatti didn't get nominated for an Oscar for this film. It was a good performance, but American Splendor was much, much better. I got the impression that Paul was just playing Paul in this one, and giving him an Oscar for that would be like giving John Wayne an Oscar for playing John Wayne.

Also, somewhere on the drive home I got pretty angry at this film because it tried to make me feel sorry for Giamatti's character when he is a lying scumbag. He steals money from his mother and lies repeatedly to his friends. I'm unsure why he was stealing money from his mother, he has a rich friend who would pay for all the wine that he can't really afford, and he has a steady job teaching school, so I would have to say he needs to take up a less expensive hobby than drinking grape juice that has gone bad.

Those of us who aren't wealthy drink beer or whiskey. You can do the tasting bit with beer and whiskey.

Also, Lowell would not know who John Kennedy Toole was, much less that he killed himself before his book was published.

But that naked guy was damn funny. I never would have thought that I would be demanding more time for a scary naked guy in a film.

The direction is fine, the acting is fine, but the story is just a bit on the slow side, and the score got on my nerves for about half the film.

There was some funny here, but it just didn't cary the slower parts.

I don't think that it's that I'm just too stupid or witless to 'get' this movie either. I just this one is a bit overhyped. I really liked director Alexander Payne's other film About Schmidt (which also featured a scary nude scene from an actor that really shouldn't be nude on film--hmm, methinks I sense a trend), but this one just doesn't quite gel like that one did.

Maybe I just need to drink a lot of wine.

WTF #2

Ah, the lovely wonderfulness of Lucha Libre. Last time it was midgets in monkey suits, but that was CMLL. They're pretty normal.

This week it was TNA's Mexican sister promotion AAA.

It started off pretty normally with a six-man tag match between a team of vampires against a team of Christians.

Normal enough stuff.

Then they sent out three reasonably attractive women wrestlers, and then their opponents-Hideously Ugly Transvestites!

On the left we have Pimpinella, and on the right, with the most disturbing use of the ThunderCat's symbol ever is May Flowers. They were teaming with a short, chubby Golddust knockoff (of course they were).

Wow.

Mexican wrestling makes my brain hurt.

Warren On Enterprise

From Warren Ellis' Bad Signal:

"ENTERPRISE is cancelled. CREATIVELY cancelled. They actually did the 'spooky aliens observe the human race and are shocked by the human capability for compassion' story. Again. I pick up an episode online every now and then to see how it's surviving, because I have an acquaintance associated with the show, but the sheer gall of the programme to be this bad was actually surprising. They could have just put a title card up for 44 minutes which read FUCK YOU FOR WATCHING. REGARDS, THE MGMNT."

Have they started doing the holodeck gone awry episodes on Enterprise yet? Do they have a holodeck yet? Does anybody actually watch the show?

Damnit

I have my heart all set on hating Constantine before it even comes out, and WB and DC do a good job of giving me plenty of material for my hate--then they go and get John Shirley to do the novelization (plus two comic-continuity Hellblazer novels as well).

And I saw two versions of the trailer that didn't look too terrible.

Maybe I'll see it.

Damn and blast this just brings to my attention my own dickish fanboyishness.

The Randy

Ask and ye shall receive. For Tommy:
Randy Orton: "The single most greatest moment in my life happened in Toronto, Canada"

Out and About

Today on NPR I heard the results of a poll that said 50% of Americans feel that President Bush is a unifier, and 50% feel that he is a divider.

I may be a bit dense, and perhaps they were cracking a very dry joke, but if the public is halfway split on whether or not he is a unifying force, doesn't that mean that he isn't?

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The Screensavers are showing a DJ with one turntable right now as their musical guest. Firstly, why the hell do they have musical guests now? I'll buy the one time TMBG gig, but a damn DJ? Wow. Woopty-Fwipity-Scratchity-Doo! They had to go to Los Angeles why?

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Today I read the comics adaptation of the film adaptation of the Hellblazer comic. I realize that all the big name creators are probably all tied up with their own projects, or have some actual dignity and aren't able to come in and make this thing halfway decent. It's not like any comic adaptation of a film outside of say, Walt Simonson's Alien, or the Bladerunner one is any good, but they could really do better than what they did.

If you're going to publish a trade size book with the adaptation, why not go the full distance with the story length instead of forcing the writer to cram so much exposition into each panel that when there's a panel without dialogue it feels so out of place?

Steven Seagle isn't a bad writer, but he must have had some suck of a story to work with here.

There's what, 160 issues of Hellblazer out there currently and this is the best story they could cobble together?

I still say that there is nothing in this story that required them to license the property, what with its extreme lack of much semblance to the source material other than character names.

Now I'm sure I don't want to see the movie, even though I picked up the second volume of Hellblazer stories written by Warren Ellis today.

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No little kid, I don't need you to show me how to drive the tank in the new Mercenaries game, I may be old, but I can figure it out for myself. Wait your damn turn.

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Episode 2 of Tilt is on, and the show still sucks.

Judge to Marvel--Make 10% Stan's

Via NEWSARAMA

Stan Lee stands to gain a vast amount of income that he can use to fund even more businesses that will fail (Stan Lee Media anyone?).

He just won the first round of his suit against Marvel Comics for monies owed from films based on his original characters.

A Manhattan Court found that Marvel has to pay 10% of the profits from these films to Stan, since that is what is in his contract as publisher emeritus.

Good to see at least one of the creators getting paid, now if they can just do something for the rest.

Tilt

God Bless ESPN, they still haven't learned that they are a sports station and not a sports entertainment station. Their new show Tilt, starring Michael Madsen tries really hard to take hold of the Texas Hold 'em fascination and give it a Sopranos style edge.

It fails pretty badly. With ESPN unwilling to go the extra yard and include the cursing and the violence, it just comes off bland.

It's about a group of poker players who have all been broken in some way by Michael Madsen's character, the Matador, who we are told got his name because he draws in the young players and cuts them up. The group is bankrolled by a mysterious older poker player, and they may not all be being honest with one another.

The show is flat, with large portions of dialogue devoted to exposition, and the poker in it is pretty boring. There's voiceover narration at the beginning and the end, but it doesn't flow well with the rest of the show since there are a variety of viewpoints, including a Midwestern sheriff who is also out to bring the matador down. They try to give him a hard edge, but it comes off pretty small time.

Even the great Michael Madsen wasn't able to save this one.

Impact Thoughts

Chris Candido was on this weeks TNA Impact in a match against Dustin Rhodes. Man alive he looked bad. He needs to go on the Simon System.

Also it's good to see that Jerry Lynn is there on the show in at least a non-wrestling capacity as one of the security guys. Now if they'd just get him back into action.

Cassidy O'Reilly has gotten much, much better since his Hot Shots days.

I miss Chicken Hat.

For all of you who have no idea what I'm talking about here, don't worry, most wrestling fans don't either.

Bowling

Went bowling with my sister tonight. We went to the new chain bowling alley here in town.

I bowled very well for the first 1 1/2 games, until a family of ten moved onto the lane beside us, and put all five of the 3 to 5 year olds on the lane beside us. Does it make me a bad person to think they should put all the large families with little children down on the end together? Profanity is an integral part of my bowling game, and I don't feel right letting loose with a big string with a three year old standing right beside me.

"STFU Donnie."
"Don't fuck with de Jesus."

I did like the lack of cigarette smoke and beer bar stylings that Classic Lanes provides. I also think that this new place actually oils the lanes, and the balls they have don't all have inch deep crevices all over their surfaces.

I also discovered that my Hawaiian Bowling Shirt is necessary for me to play passably.

Vonnegut Creative Writing 101

From the Introduction to Bagombo Snuff Box by Kurt Vonnegut:

Now lend me your ears. Here is Creative Writing 101:

1. Use the time of a total strange in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things--reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them--in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they should finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

These rules are intended to govern the writing of short stories, of which Vonnegut says: "It proves that a short story, because of its physiological and psychological effects on a human being, is more closely related to Buddhist styles of meditation than it is to any other form of narrative entertainment."

He also makes the point elsewhere that not only do short stories have a calming influence on the reader, much like meditation, but they have the added bonus of allowing you to meditate with another person, even one long dead.

Via Mefi:
The Greatest Essay Ever Written

Sex Bomb

When I saw the headline "PENTAGON TOYS WITH SEX BOMB" on Drudge, I of course thought of the classic Tom Jones song, but it would have made no sense for them to be toying with that song, would it?

Come to find out, that wasn't what the story was about, rather it was a story about discarded ideas for non-lethal chemical weapons, such as the titular sex bomb, which was described thusly:

Most bizarre among the plans was one for the development of an "aphrodisiac" chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. Provoking widespread homosexual behaviour among troops would cause a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale, the proposal says.

I'll leave the jokes on that one for you guys to make amongst yourselves. I have to think that there'd be, you know, moral and legal implications to a bomb that would pretty much be a giant date-rape pill.

I like the descriptions of the other bombs that were considered.

Other ideas included chemical weapons that attract swarms of enraged wasps or angry rats to troop positions, making them uninhabitable. Another was to develop a chemical that caused "severe and lasting halitosis", making it easy to identify guerrillas trying to blend in with civilians. There was also the idea of making troops' skin unbearably sensitive to sunlight.

I believe Tommy and I had a conversation about bombs filled with angry bees or other bugs that would be dropped on enemy troops.

And, the other ideas were a morning breath bomb and a sunburn bomb? Um, ok.

Credit Card Signature Prank

By way of Mefi:
This fella experimented to see just how different you could make the signature on your credit card receipt before anyone notices:

Next time I bought something that required a signature, I considered just creating a rectangle of solid black. Then I thought a grid might be weirder:

Only the most Matrix-obsessed fanboy would actually use a grid for his signature, but the chick at the Cheesecake Factory didn't look twice. I mean, I didn't even have on a trenchcoat.

Note to Self

The Shallowford Road Wendy's is again under boycott due to poor service. How do you run out of Coke?

Other restaurants also under boycott:

McDonald's in Athens--It took more than twenty minutes to get my food in the drive in, ten of which were spent waiting after they said "Hold on just a minute," when I first pulled up.

KFC in Athens--Is it so hard to get my order right? Three times wrong in a row is just ricockulous. When I say Chicken Sammitch, I want chicken in between two slices of bread, not chicken inside a tortilla. Sammitch means bread. And what's with the no squash or okra on the buffet bar?

Thanks, and come again.

White Noise

White Noise, starring Michael Keaton, is largely a mish-mash of horror film cliches. In the end it isn't really that memorable or original.

It does a good job of mimicking Japanese horror styles for its rhythms, pacing and cinematography.

The acting is fine, and the direction is workable, but I just don't think this one will have that much staying power.

If you pay attention you can guess who the killer is when he appears for the first time (sorry if that is a spoiler that there is a killer, but, oh well.)

By the numbers horror.

2 babes