Faulty Prophecies

Got this from Gunny:

Day of our Lord due

Forty years ago I was told by the Lord God, "I'm Jesus!" A year ago I asked Paul Revere, pastor of Embassy of Heaven Church, Stayton, Ore., to make a worldwide announcement that: "Christ, the Lord is alive, living on the earth in the flesh. And based on Zephaniah 1:7, the day of the Lord would occur on Preparation Day for Passover, April 16, 2003. Paul answered my request by setting up the Web site, www.2ndcomingofchrist.com, containing personal information I had mailed him about myself and my prophecy

That prophecy turned out to be presumptuous and I am now prophesying that "The day of the Lord will occur on April 5, 2004! That day, prophesied over 2,600 years ago, will bring to a screeching halt all activity taking place in this world! For starters, money will be worthless, there will be no election this November and sports contests may be over!

My favorite part about that letter, not that it lays down the final day, but is that "...sports contests may be over!" Money will be worthless, there will be no election this November, and sports contests MAY BE OVER! Or, maybe not, it has not yet been decided on that one. Money, out. Election, out. Sporting events, maybe. God does like his football.

To save you the trouble of going to the Bible-Thumper site listed above, here are their conditions for salvation [take notes, God will be issuing a test early in April, and it WILL go on your permanent record]

Four Conditions for Salvation


ACCORDING TO Revelation 3:10, only members of the Church of Philadelphia will not be subject to the tribulation. Who are the members of that church? And how can one become a member?

Listen carefully and obey the following instructions.

1. Repent. This is important. And read Zechariah 6:15 plus the Companion notes on this verse.



2. Get yourself baptized. This time by immersion and by a minister of God who has cancelled his ministerial license. If not, you may be dragged into the Tribulation when 2 Thessalonians 2:3 occurs.



3. Disconnect yourself from the world. Read 2 Corinthians 6:14; James 4:4; and 1 John 2:15-17. Owe no one anything but love per Romans 13:8. In other words, get "Out-of-Debt!" (see note*)



4. Believe, by faith, that God's Son is alive, and is on the earth, today, in the flesh! Read 1 John 4:2.

Persons obeying the above 4 instructions will become members of the Church of Philadelphia, provided that they have never committed the "sin that leads to death" referred to in 1 John 5:16-17. Anyone who has committed that sin will have to go through the tribulation.

Firstly, I have to say that I can't listen to something that I'm reading, but that's mostly a semantic argument. From #2 I am to understand that only a minister who has cancelled his ministerial license is one who can be a member of the Church of Philedelphia, why so? Do they have to fill out some kind of form to do that, or can they just renounce their ministry? Why couldn't pretty much anyone fit the bill then?

If Frank over there is Jesus, then shouldn't he be getting a bit of a better marketing strategy? I hate to ridicule anyone for their beliefs, but...