10,000 dopes

From THE BEAT:

RETAILERS FEAR THE FUTURE: Comics sales were more or less stable for 2004, and yet failed to really grow. It’s gotten to the point where you wonder if ANYTHING can lift the LCS system.

Mainstream media attention? Check. Blockbuster movies? Check. Strong product shipping on time? Check.

Perhaps the problem with the LCS is what I call the “10,000 dopes syndrome.”

I base the 10,000 dopes figure on the sales for POWERS when it switched from Image to Marvel. Same interior. Same creators. Same regular shipping schedule. But it sells 10,000 more of every issue.

Now you could say that Marvel has more reach in the market place. But in theory, Marvel and Image have exactly equal exposure to the LCS system. Certainly Brian Michael Bendis is a known and loved quantity.

So maybe retailers don't even look outside the little Marvel catalog that ships with Previews? Or they know that 10,000 readers think the name Marvel is so all powerful that it automatically makes a comic good? I don't know what it is, but whatever it is, it's bad news. Very bad news .

More story bits

Because of my adult ADD and incredible laziness, I find it very difficult to finish, or even move beyond the first 1000 words of a story. Here's another begining:

Edmund wondered as he stared into the she-demon's many fanged mouth why each acquisition had to involve so much drama. Her claws dug into his shoulders, and with each of her ragged exhalations he was assaulted with breath that was a mixture of rotten tuna sweaty feet.

She rasped at him in a questioning tone. As if to punctuate the phrase she licked him across the nose with her bifurcated tongue, which was warm and rough like a cat's.

"I'm sorry, I wish my knowledge of conversational esoteric languages was better, but..."

She questioned him again in hissing gutteral speech, squeezing him tighter and lifting him so that he dangled above the floor.

"I really don't understand you. Your breath is really quite terrible, and I would prefer if you would put me down now."

She cocked her large head to the side inquisitively and brought her eyes close to his. Each red pupil in her black eyes formed a small inverted cross.

"Who sends you?" She asked in a rough approximation of English. Edmund wished he could reach the gun in his briefcase or at least think of some sort of spell to protect him. He wasn't quite sure that either would work, this being his first encounter with a demon of this sort in the flesh.

In his line of work, the collection of rare and powerful occult books and artifacts, Edmund often encountered demons and spirits lingering about, but those entities were easily dealt with, using one of a number of spells and rituals that he knew, but never had he seen something like this.

He had assumed incorrectly when they boy said that there was a demon involved it meant the incorporeal-throw-some-dishes-around-general-nuisance kind.

This was quite different.

She was almost ten feet tall, and like traditional western devils, the lower half of her crimson body ended in a pair of cloven hooves. He had seen no evidence of a tail, but from her back stemmed a set of wide bat-like wings. In spite of his fear and surprise Edmund's eyes roamed from the dark fur of her crotch to her breasts that swayed rhythmically. It was almost lovely in a evil and sacreligous way.

....

The young man stared hard at the business card clutched in his hand. "Edmund Frentic, occult books and paraphenlia, 777 Crowley Way," it read in a simple block font. The edges were frayed and the card seemed old and forgotten when he found it in his father's desk, but right now it seemed his best bet....

Beatles Mashup

Via bOINGbOING

Beatles mashup mixes 40+ different tracks.

Simply freaking awesome.

The problem I've had with Beatles/whoever mashups (Grey Album, Meet the Beastles), no matter how well done, is that they relegate the Beatles songs to mere background beats and filler, with the rap elements given top billing and going largely unchanged.

This one takes a whole bunch of Beatles songs and mixes them together to form something else.

I wouldn't mind an album of this stuff.

Inauguration v. Disaster Relief

From an AP story:

Planned are nine official balls, a youth concert, a parade, a fireworks display and, of course, Bush's second swearing-in ceremony at noon on Jan. 20. The cost will be between $30 million and $40 million, an amount that does not include expenses for security.

Compare to Washington Times story:

The Bush administration yesterday pledged $15 million to Asian nations hit by a tsunami that has killed more than 22,500 people, although the United Nations' humanitarian-aid chief called the donation "stingy."

I realize that the Bush inauguration is being paid for by his Corporate Masters, but how about they decide to show the new direction for America by downgrading a bit of the festivities and channeling some of that $40 million or so into some form of disaster relief?

Jerry Orbach RIP

Jerry Orbach died yesterday.

As a Law and Order fan, I'll miss the wry Lenny Briscoe.

This is how I think we should remember him.

I do find this passage of the story disturbing:

Earlier this year, he announced plans to switch from Law — and its frequent 14-hour shooting days — to a supporting role, still as Briscoe, on the crime franchise's fourth edition, Trial by Jury, which is due on NBC in March.

But he had completed only a few episodes before beginning intensive chemotherapy this fall. (His role will be recast.)

They really don't need to recast the role of Briscoe, if that's what they are planning. There is no other Briscoe than Orbach.

Useless Copy Protection

I bought Sarah MacLachlan's Afterglow Live CD/DVD 2-disc set today, and on the front on a sticker that won't come off, it says:

The CD in this release is protected against unauthorized duplication. It is designed to play on standard playback devices and appropriately configured computers (see system requirements on back). If you experience playback problems, please go to www.sunncomm.com/support/bmg

And, on the back in the fine print at the bottom it says:

THE CD IN THIS RELEASE IS ENHANCED WITH MEDIAMAX SOFTWARE. Windows Compatible Instructions: Insert disc into CD-ROM drive. Software will automatically install. If it doesn't click on "LaunchCd.exe."...

So, they're counting on you having Autorun enabled, which pretty much every security pundit on the net tells you to turn off.

Since I have autorun turned off, the software didn't install. I checked, and my media players play all the tracks fine, and FreeRip rips the tracks perfectly fine.

So, this software on the disc is pretty much useless for stopping piracy. Not that I'm out to pirate the disc, see, I already bought it, with money. I know there's a chance that someone might buy it and upload it to the internet, but this useless software isn't going to stop that.

Also, I don't think that I should have to install software onto my computer that does who knows what, and agree to an ELUA just to listen to a CD that I purchased, no matter what device I want to use to do it.

So I didn't install it, and I don't agree.

If the RIAA and BMG are so worried about online piracy, they need to concentrate on the online piracy itself, not the people who bought the album.

Thoughts and Links

Hope everyone made it through Krunksmas well. I did.

Holly Marie Combs is a terrible actress, and the plotline on Charmed with the evil 'Avatars' is ripping visually on the pseudo-Left Behind movie series that I talked about in previous posts...And the new secret agent character works for Homeland Security, Wheee! [that's what I call relevance] I'm pretty sure the big reveal will be that the guy in the black suit with the goatee that leads the Avatars is Satan, or at the very least the anti-Christ.

Here's some links:

From In4mador:

Welcome to Godchecker - your Guide to the Gods.

We have more Gods than you can shake a stick at. Godchecker's Mythology Encyclopedia currently features over 2,000 deities.

Browse the pantheons of the world, explore ancient myths, and discover Gods of everything from Fertility to Fluff with the fully searchable Holy Database Of All Known Gods.

Via Neil Gaiman: A Godfather inspired horse head pillow.

Via bOINGbOING: Choose your own damn Harry Potter adventure.

Via MeFi: Design and buy your own anti-magnetic-ribbon magnetic-ribbon

Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Tsunami Pictures

by way of bOINGbOING:
DigitalGlobe has pictures of the Tsunami that struck Asia.

I never want to live on the coast of anywhere.

Sin City

Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez's Sin City trailer is online now

It makes me want to kiss Robby Rodriguez on the mouth--with tongue.

Here are some screen captures for ya'
First, Micky Roarke as Marv:



Next Bruce Willis as Hartigan:

Benicio Del Torro:

Miho:

Clive Owen as Dwight:

Brittany Murphy:

And Nick Stahl as the Yellow Bastard:


I just hope this movie is as good as it looks.

Mark Pesce on the death of TorrentBits and SuprNova

Via bOINGbOING Via Susan Mernit:

"Pointing up the single greatest weakness of BitTorrent take down the tracker and the torrent dies - has only served to energize, inspire and mobilize the resources of an entire global ecology of software developers, network engineers and hackers-at-large who want nothing so much, at this moment, as to make the MPAA pay for their insolence. Imagine a parent reaching into a child's room and ripping a TV set out of the wall while the child is watching it. That child would feel anger and begin plotting his revenge. And that scene has been multiplied at least hundred thousand times today, all around the world. It is quite likely that, as I type these words, somewhere in the world a roomful of college CS students, fueled by coke and pizza and righteous indignation, are banging out some code which will fix the inherent weakness of BitTorrent - removing the need for a single tracker. If they're smart enough, they'll work out a system of dynamic trackers, which could quickly pass control back and forth among a cloud of peers, so that no one peer holds the hot potato long enough to be noticed. They'll take the best of Gnutella and cross-breed it with the best of BitTorrent.

And that will be the MPAA's worst nightmare.

Hey, Hollywood! Can you feel the future slipping through your fingers? Do you understand how badly you've screwed up? You took a perfectly serviceable situation - a nice, centralized system for the distribution of media, and, through your own greed and shortsightedness, are giving birth to a system of digital distribution that you'll never, ever be able to defeat. In your avarice and arrogance you ignored the obvious: you should have cut a deal with SuprNova.org. In partnership you could have found a way to manage the disruptive change that's already well underway. Instead, you have repeated the mistakes made by the recording industry, chapter and verse. And thus you have spelled your own doom.
"

Todd McFarlane files for Chapter 11

via THE BEAT:

Todd's just not having a banner year--he loses a case to Neil Gaiman, loses a case to Tony Twist (and $15 million), the steroid scandal in baseball will likely kill interest in Todd's balls, and now he files for the bankruptcy in his publishing company.

I always thought the Tony Twist lawsuit was frivolous, since the character only really appeared in a single issue, and I doubt that Todd reaped $15 million off that one issue, or that issue really contributed that much to the success of Spawn (the 90s boom did that)

The people who will really be hurt by this are the comic creators he owes money too:

Angel Medina -- $3,960.00
Brian Haberlin -- $13,600.00
Brian Holgiun -- $8,800.00
Comicraft -- $2,200.00
Danny Miki -- $4,070.00
Greg Capullo -- $18,250.00
Greg Scott -- $1,750.00
Jay Fotos -- $5,600.00
Tom Orzechowski -- $2,200.00

Owing Greg Capullo almost $20k is just plain damn ricockulous, since Capullo pretty much took over the production of the Spawn comic when Todd became bigger than comics and didn't have to do them anymore.

Poor, poor Todd. Guess he's not quite the businessman that people took him for.

A New Classic

South Park: Woodland Critter Christmas
This one ranks right up there with the classics of Christmas past. Stan helps out some woodland creatures with the birth of their savior because of the urging of a Dr. Seuss-like narrator.

Excellent.

Best Christmas Song Ever

"Things I Want" Tenacious D vs Sum_41

Via Brian's Blog

And I just watched Batman Forever as I was downloading this and a that, and I would just like to state for the record that that was far from a good movie. I must've had the really thick beer-goggles on when I saw that one the first and only time before, because it was T-errible. Christopher Nolan's film can't help but be better than "Forever and Batman and Robin." Troma could make a better Batman movie than Schumacher. Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD was a better Batman film than Batman Forever, so was The Class of Nuke 'em High, but not Teenage Catgirls In Heat.

Oh Sweet Jesus, can the Sin City movie get any better sounding?

From The Comic Reel:

Sin City

Actor Rutger Hauer noted on his website that he's been cast as Cardinal Roark in 'The Hard Goodbye' for Robert Rodriguez's Sin City. 'Well, things happened rapidly the last few days. While opening mail and relaxing something popped out of the pressure cooker. SIN CITY is a black and white cartoon which is being made into a feature in Texas. Could I come and do a wacky hysterical cardinal for them.'"

Wreck Your Match

From Inside the Ropes by the Canadian Bulldog (at least Tommy will find this funny):

(Sung to the tune of Deck the Halls)
Wreck Your Match

Wreck your match with Hardcore Holly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bob is never, ever jolly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Piss him off, and you'll be sorry
Fa la la la la la la la la
Even if you're Dawn or Torrie,
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Bob hurts every-one he touches,
Fa la la la la la la la la
With his botched moves and stiff punches,
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bob can be ornery, vile and rude,
Fa la la la la la la la la
And that's just when he's in a good mood,
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Shuffle

By way of Tommy and Gooseneck:

1. Open up the music player on your computer.

2. Set it to play your entire music collection.

3. Hit the shuffle command.

4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarrassing. That's right, no skipping that Carpenters tune that will totally destroy your hip credibility. It's time for total musical honesty. Write it up in your blog or journal and link back to at least a couple of the other sites where you saw this.

5. If you get the same artist twice, you may skip the second (or third, or etc.) occurrences. You don't have to, but since randomness could mean you end up with a list of ten song with five artists, you can if you

1 Box in My Head-John Shirly: A Jazzy improv type of song found here. Shirley is pretty cool, and I like this type of song.

2 Down In In-Nine Inch Nails: Probably my favorite NIN song, but I'm not really sure why.

3 Dave Attell-Talking about Breast Feeding and Beer Dispensing Nipples: Dave is a funny fellow, and his standup album is very, very good.

4 We're All Gonna Die Some Day-Casey Chambers: A Australian Chick Country Singer singing about death and whatnot. Quite good.

5 Free Culture Preface-By Lawrence Lessig: The preface of a book on internet culture. Part of a free audiobook.

6 Tracktor-MC Chris: A cappella first verse of an MCChris song. Geek rap.

7 He Walks With Me-Johnny R. Cash: From Johnny's Posthumous gospel album.

8 The End-The Beatles: "And in the end/The love you take/is equal to the love you make"

9 Billy Clinton from his Autobiography talking about various things-From his Autobiography-An interesting book and well read by the former President.

10 My Best Friend's Girl-Hayseed Dixie: Bluegrass crossed with eighties rock, you can't go wrong with that.

Neil Gaiman

From Neil Gaiman:

AAARRGH.

On the good side, over two thousand words written so far today. On the not-so-good-side, many of them will be thrown away, and lots of the other ones fit into a plot I'm not sure I entirely currently understand.

Every now and again people write me kind letters letting me know just how much they'd like my job. On a day like today, I'd happily take their job. Even if it involves heavy lifting, standing around in the cold, or telling people they can't park there. Honest.

Vonnegut on Book Banning

Tommy had a post about Etowah's School Board removing a book from their school library due to 'objectionable' content. I'm reading Kurt Vonnegut's Palm Sunday and the subject of book bannings by school board's is the concern of much of the first chapter.

Here are some excerpts of what Kurt had to say:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of the press, or the right of the people peaceable to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

How could a nation with such a law raise its children in an atmosphere of decency? It couldn't--it can't. So the law will surely be repealed soon for the sake of the children.

And even now my books, along with books by Bernard Malamud and James Dickey and Joseph Heller and many other first-rate patriots, are regularly thrown out of public school libraries by school board members, who commonly say that they have not actually read the books, but they have it on good authority that the books are bad for children.

....

If you bother to read my books, to behave as educated persons would, you would learn that they are not sexy, and do not argue in favor of wildness of any kind. They beg that people be kinder and more responsible than they often are. It is true that some of the characters speak coarsely. That is because people speak coarsely in real life. Especially soldiers and hardworking men speak coarsely, and even our most sheltered children know that. And we all know, too, that those words really don't damage children much. They didn't damage us much when we were young. It was evil deeds and lying that hurt us.

....

Here is how I propose to end book-banning in this country once and for all: Every candidate for school committee should be hooked up to a lie-detector and asked this question: "Have you read a book from start to finish since high school? Or did you even read a book from start to finish in high school?"

If the truthful answer is "no," then the candidate should be told politely that he cannot get on the school committee and blow off his big bazoo about how books make children crazy.

....

"What troubles me most about my lovely country is that its children are seldom taught that American freedom will vanish, if, when they grow up, and in the exercise of their duties as citizens, they insist that our courts and policemen and prisons be guided by divine or natural law."

They really need to pull this book out of public school libraries right now.

3D Curling Simulator

Ah, Big Lots. Not what you would think of as a software store, and this purchase doesn't change my mind on that front.

Curling 2: Take-Out Weight is the sequel to the world's first 3D Curling Simulator.

Sit back a moment and think about that one. This is a curling simulator. They've made two of them. Two curling games, yet I still can't get a good skee-ball game?

I have to be honest that I don't really know how to curl. I have a vague idea of it as a type of shuffleboard on ice, and I've watched it in the Olympics, but I still don't understand it.

After playing this game for a bit I still don't understand it.

I suppose this is a realistic representation of the sport, and it has kickass songs about curling, songs so good you almost think they're joking, but this is from Canada, so I imagine that this is no joke.

The packaging comes in both French and English, so that I now know that you say "Steadddy! Sweeeeeep! Hurry! Hurry! Hard! Haaard!' in French as "Doucement! Balaaayeez! Plus, Plus Vite, Vvviteee!" And you say "Whoah! Whoah! Whoooah!" as Whoah! Whoah! Whoooah!"

You can also play against curling legend Randy Ferbey and add him to your team.

Excited yet?

I know I am.

Here's what the package says:

JUST IMAGINE TAKING ON ONE OF THE BEST CURLERS IN THE WORLD!
Imagine the roar of the rock as it twists down the ice, stopping right on the button-The perfect delivery. Imagine yourself competing against legends like Randy Ferbey as you take your rookie team from the local rink, all the way to the World Championships.

Now, imagine a curling simulation that's so realistic, even the ice conditions change. Design your own team, and compete in matches and bonspiels against a variety of opponents.

Play for fun, play for bragging rights, or play for cold, hard cash. Imagine curling as it should be-simple to learn, yet difficult to master.

Do you think the curling world championships are held in Canada? I bet they are.

This isn't going to take the place of the Gilligan's Island Bowling Game, but it's pretty good. It has helped me discover that I do not want to be a professional curler as I previously thought.

Sound of the Day

Awesome

Batman Begins Trailer

The new trailer for Batman Begins is online now. I was going to do some screen captures of it, but there's not really that much of Batman in costume in it. You do get to see Christian Bale sword fight with Qui-Gon Jin, and lots of establishing shots, including a pristine Batcave, but not much in the way of the Batman himself.

Go take a gander for yourself.

Sound of the Day

The sound of the collective unconscious.

Oompa-Loompa

A trailer for Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is online now. It sure looks interesting, here's some screen captures:






These should be of interest to at least 3 of my readers.

Bits From a Story in the Works

I was hunting for something that I had written in my poorly organized hard-drive today and stumbled on quite a few bits of one of my stories that I'm working on. It is notable that they are not stored in the same directories, or in any sensical way, and that most of them had file names like "NewTextDocument1," which could explain why I haven't gotten very far on most of them.

I figured I'd post a few, just for kicks.

Here are three loosely connected bits that belong to the same basic story, a parody of the Left Behind Series that I'm clalling Held Back.

First up is a bit of prologue concerning a bum named Lyle:

Oct. 13 2012, 1:15 p.m.

Lyle had never heard of the Buddha or of the jumping Jesus phenomenon. He didn't know that technology had reached a point where the sum of information available to humanity was doubling roughly every .000000006 seconds. Lyle didn't know of philosophy of cosmology or psychology. None of that really mattered to Lyle.

Nothing much mattered to Lyle anymore. Food used to matter, and warmth, but that was before. Now he merely sat with his legs crossed staring into nothing. He had been considered successful earlier in his life. Memories of that time occasionally floated to the top of his consciousness, but they were of someone else.

Now he merely sat.

Few who passed him noticed him, and those who did received no answer to their inquires, and eventually they gave up and passed him by.

He didn't even bother with the donation cup anymore, most of the pocket change went to the bums with talent anyway.

Police collected the homeless from other areas of the city and deposited them here, and it was in this way that Lyle had ended up in his corner, and since that time his beard had grown as had his stench, but these things were not his concern.

Had he known of Yoga he would have had words to describe what was happening if only to himself. He had mastered Pranayama unknowingly, but mastered them he had.

When the visions started he hadn't really noticed, but eventually they had demanded his attention.

When enlightenment came shortly after no one noticed the lack of one more bum.

Lyle wasn't the Alpha or the Omega, but he was part of the beginning of the end and the end of the beginning.

Next is some narritive from one of the main characters a ubiquitous character in my stories, Ed Frentic:

I was sitting in climate controlled air conditioned coolness when the sky ignited. I looked out over the skyline from the coffee shop's window booth and watched the world end.

It as rather pretty actually, a shifting kaleidiscopidic, psychedelic sunset that was the last that humankind would see.

They'd been telling us for years that there was no need to worry of the Apocalypse, but obviously, they were mistaken.

You may be wondering how I'm telling you this if the world ended, eh?

Well see, that's the kicker, before that I had been preparing for this, a lot of us had, preparing and planning, scheming, pulling back the corners as it were.

Then it came. It should have been orgasmic on a cosmic scale, but it wasn't.

You see, 'they' were stronger than we'd given them credit for, mainly because 'they' were everyone. 'They' didn't want to wake up.

The world had ended, but only for those of us who noticed.

The fires of Ragnarok came and seared away the sky, but almost no one saw. Seas ran with blood and all those other biblical type things happened, but those also flew under the radar of perception.

Only those of us who knew where to watch saw. We watched and waited, but everyone around us seemed not to care or notice. It was like each of us had taken something hundreds of times more potent than acid, but it was everyone around us that couldn't function. Everyone around us continued on with their daily routines. Their minds so heavily programmed that they couldn't see what had happened, they just went on shaping reality as they saw it before.

The few of us that noticed then started seeing one another. Those who hadn't woken up were closed to us, but the rest of us could sense one another.

And Finaly, another bit of narration that's pretty similar to the one above:

The world ended, but very few actually noticed.

Most were too mired in their own existence to realize what had happened. The Christian rapture had happened, but not all the people who disappeared from the earth were the pious in Christ. Some were Christian, some Muslim, some Hindu, and some other smaller faiths, but none viewed as holy.

Most were the disenfranchised who disappeared, though their bodies remained, or the idea of their being that reality held.

Such things had happened before, but never in quite so large a number.

Most of the world continued on, somewhere below Malkuth, while the rest, the select, ascended upward, or outward, or nowhere at all. They rose from the dust and became all. Few of those who awakened from their lives thought of their life before. That was all behind, though much of it had shaped what they now were.

And the rest of the world went on. Wars raged, people hated and believed, but the few actually knew. They had traveled higher than most mortals ever would. Some would say they had become gods themselves, though they would not. They had merely become unified in themselves and no longer needed the physical crutch of their daemon selves.

Of the ones who were noticeably absent, few actually missed them. Most tended to be loners, most were thought crazy, or already almost dead.

Some were greeted by dead relatives on the other side, or famous people, or themselves, whatever they needed, for this was not some near death experience this was a furtherance of life.

No fires of doom awaited those without faith. Those with knowledge and doubts. No pearly gates and harps, only an existence that had been unfathomable and unknowable. They knew that they could lower themselves to the level of those still sleeping, still trapped in a world of friction and pressure, but few wanted to, for that type of form was now unpleasant when so much more could be experienced. Most chose only to imagine what the world had been like, if they chose this at all, though their imaginings were infinitely more diverse and beautiful than the reality they left behind.

This is the same story as in this earlier post about the guy haunted by a ghostly severed Indian head.

Now I just need to make myself sit down and work on this damn thing.

Larry, Moe and Crowley

Just thought I would share this image because I found it humorous. I found it here.

Whatever: The 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time

Whatever: The 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time

Specifically:

Ayn Rand's A Selfish Christmas (1951)

In this hour-long radio drama, Santa struggles with the increasing demands of providing gifts for millions of spoiled, ungrateful brats across the world, until a single elf, in the engineering department of his workshop, convinces Santa to go on strike. The special ends with the entropic collapse of the civilization of takers and the spectacle of children trudging across the bitterly cold, dark tundra to offer Santa cash for his services, acknowledging at last that his genius makes the gifts -- and therefore Christmas -- possible. Prior to broadcast, Mutual Broadcast System executives raised objections to the radio play, noting that 56 minutes of the hour-long broadcast went to a philosophical manifesto by the elf and of the four remaining minutes, three went to a love scene between Santa and the cold, practical Mrs. Claus that was rendered into radio through the use of grunts and the shattering of several dozen whiskey tumblers. In later letters, Rand sneeringly described these executives as "anti-life."

Reminded me a bit of one of the posts from my archives (12/13/02) which I was looking at the other day listing three possilbe santa movies that I might pursue, the final one being:

Or finally I play Rance the stupidest reindeer who leads the sled into the side of a house, killing all of the eight other tiny reindeer (Whoopi Goldberg, Lance Bass, Taye Diggs, Jamie Kennedy, Willie Nelson, Bart Durham, Dustin Diamond, Cathy Griffin) and Santa (Rodney Dangerfield) on impact. A distraught Rance cries out for assistance to be answered by the chain-smoking spirit of Christmas (Christopher Walken), who teaches him the true value of Christmas and helps him kick the booze. Then Rance takes the reins as the new Santa and captures and enslaves nine multi-national children to pull his sleigh.
Screenplay by Adam Sandler with Jonathan Frakes attached to direct.
(The part with the enslaving of children may be dropped, due to difficulty in child labor statutes effecting the filming schedule)

The saddest part is that my agents tell me with the death of Rodney, the role of Santa is now being pitched to Rob Schneider, who they tell me is "the new Dangerfield." I think I need new representation.

Weathers' Stew

"...baby you got a stew goin'."

Rummy ain't going anywhere

Via Warren, here's a story about all of Bush's cabinet members that are leaving. Not to read to much into things, but does it seem to anyone else like the rats are deserting the burning ship?

We can be glad that we still have Donny Rumsfeld to kick around.

Here's what Tommy Thompson had to say at his resignation: "For the life of me, I cannot understand why the terrorists have not attacked our food supply because it is so easy to do," Thompson said as announced his departure. "We are importing a lot of food from the Middle East, and it would be easy to tamper with that."

Yeehaw!

The Surreal Gilligan's Island

Hey, TBS has a new Gilligan's Island reality show!. I don't really care, and neither should you, but I caught about fourteen continuous seconds of the show the other day, and it seems that they have rather stupidly decided to make it nothing more than a Gilligan's Island themed Survivor clone. Two competing teams of people and a host to tie it all together. Wouldn't the better show have been dropping the people on the island Real World style with no script or structure?

As if there could be a good show made out of this.

From the official site:

One of television's most enduring comedies gets the ultimate makeover when TBS, television's "very funny" network, launches the hilarious new reality series THE REAL GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. The series, in which seven people who personify the original Gilligan's Island characters are stranded on an island and challenged to find a way off...

Firstly, TBS is television's "very funny" network? When the hell did that happen?

And secondly, I would imagaine that, just like in the original series, getting off the island is not the point. Otherwise it would just be a race to who could build the best raft, or demand that the producers send them home.

There was no voting off of castaways on the original show, and there shouldn't be here.

But they have a bowling game on the site.

My, how far Nichole Eggert has fallen.

Makes me just, positively antsy for that Beverly Hillbillies reality show, or has that one already happened?

Sweet Baby Jesus In Heaven

From AICN:

* Brett Leonard, the Australian-based director who allegedly made MAN-THING (how can any of us verify that if the film is never released?) will next be turning his considerable and debatable talent to HIGHLANDER 5, in which it turns out that the entire population of the world is a Highlander except for one man. The tagline? "There Can't Be Only One".

How much coke did they snort to come up with that premise, and when the hell is this sumbitch coming out? I assume they're just shitcanning the entire series and Television show.

Hey, Jack Black and Kyle Gass are both in the Tom Goes the the Mayor, and so is Bob Odenkirk. Cartoon Network scores again. KG's chracter looks strangely like David Crosby.

Recreational Water Illness

The CDC has printable cards for Kids about the illnesses they fight and research and whatnot. My favorite that I've looked at so far is Recreational Water Illness.

On this card we learn that:

Recreational water illnesses (RWIs) are caused by swimming in water contaminated with germs like "crypto," short for Cryptosporidium...RWIs that cause diarrhea are spread by accidentally swallowing swimming water that has been contaminated with feces (poop).

Heh, they said poop. And who's been letting Superman's dog swim in people water?

The card also gives three ways we can stop these RWIs:

PLEASE don't swim when you have diarrhea.
PLEASE don't swallow the pool or lake water.
PLEASE wash your hands with soap and water after using the toilet and before you get back into the water.

PLEASE don't poop in the water you swim in, only in the water in the toilet. I guess it is okay to poop in river water, since they don't say that it isn't.
Would it be okay to go swimming if I have diarrhea, but wash my hands before I go in?

Tenet doesn't understand Internet

Tenet calls for Internet security -- The Washington Times

Former CIA Director George J. Tenet yesterday called for new security measures to guard against attacks on the United States that use the Internet, which he called "a potential Achilles' heel."

"I know that these actions will be controversial in this age when we still think the Internet is a free and open society with no control or accountability," he told an information-technology security conference in Washington, "but ultimately the Wild West must give way to governance and control."

The problem with this is that the interent isn't located in the United States, it's computers that connect to one another, and largely the only problems that have happened on the net are caused by stupidity, not a lack of control.

He said known adversaries, including "intelligence services, military organizations and non-state actors," are researching information attacks against the United States.

So, Team America: World Police was right and spies are just actors!

Mr. Tenet pointed out that the modernization of key industries in the United States is making them more vulnerable by connecting them with an Internet that is open to attack.

The way the Internet was built might be part of the problem, he said. Its open architecture allows Web surfing, but that openness makes the system vulnerable, Mr. Tenet said.

Access to networks like the World Wide Web might need to be limited to those who can show they take security seriously, he said.

Mr. Tenet called for industry to lead the way by "establishing and enforcing" security standards. Products need to be delivered to government and private-sector customers "with a new level of security and risk management already built in.

The real way to fix these problems is for companies to keep their vital infrastructures offline, or on company only intranets (Wal-Mart has one, so does Food Lion, and you can't access either one from home).

The best way for people to be security conscious on the net is to just not be stupid.

Does the last graph imply that Tenet would like every product to be delivered to the government so they can make sure it is safe, or that they should make them super safe for everybody?