Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Selig Proposes Compromise

Baseball's Traditionalist Commissioner, Bud Selig, today announced a compromise in his controversial decision to promote 'Spider-Man 2' by adorning bases with a red and black spider-web pattern.

The plans were abandoned after coming under attack by Baseball fan's.

"What the f--- is this sh--?" Said online pundit Big Stupid Tommy. "I mean that used-car salesman of a commissioner done lost his mother-f-----' mind, s---!"

Selig was confused by the uproar, but scrapped plans anyway.

"I don't know what all the fuss was about," Selig commented, "I'm just trying to do what's best for the game."

Today he revealed new plans for a compromise promotion.

At games from June 11 through 13, teams at home games will be taking the role of crime-fighter Spider-Man with full costumes underneath their usual uniforms, complete with web-slingers, while away teams will be adorned as the evil Dr. Octopus, with prehensile metallic arms.

"It should make for some interesting play," Selig said, "I am especially looking forward to seeing how teams use either the extra arms, or the webs."

Additionally stadiums will be showing fifteen exclusive minutes from the upcoming film at half-time of every game.

When confronted with the fact that there is no half-time in baseball, Selig replied, "There is now, baby." Selig then lit a cigar with a rolled up hundred dollar bill and was whisked away in his diamond encrusted helicopter.

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