Friday, May 14, 2004

Bush wants my money

I received this little missive in the mail the other day:

Marc Racicot

Dear Friend, April 26, 2004

Will you become one of the first to join the Bush Cheney '04 Team as a Charter Member in Tennessee [um, no.]? I would be thrilled to tell the President you are with us [I'm sure you would].

As a small token of appreciation and to welcome you to our team, I am proud to present you with the enclosed photo of the President and Laura Bush--complete with a special, personal inscription to you [Oh, thanks for that, I'm touched]

Your photo is a symbol of the commitment we share--the commitment between you, the Bush-Cheney '04 campaign and President Bush [I don't think I'm ready for a commitment just yet]. I hope you are as proud of this commitment as we are, and I also hope your photo will serve as a reminder of the importance of Charter Members of the Bush-Cheney '04 Team: to provide continuing grassroots support for President Bush and Vice President Cheney as we work to get the campaign up and running [continuing implies that I am supporting them right now].

Already, Democrats [hiss, hiss--I mean, hooray] have relentlessly attacked the President, while liberal special interest groups are raising hundreds of millions of dollars to defeat President Bush [While the President just relies on his millions and millions of dollars from big business and big oil].

We are relying on our Charter Members to be leaders in thier area for President Bush and the Bush-Cheney '04 campaign.

And there are two things you can do today to help [Bad Grammer there]:

1)Send back the enclosed Receipt Conformation Form to let me know that your photograph arrived in good condition and is suitable for framing and Display [Damn right it is]. This may seem like it is a little thing, but it is very important to me personally to know that your support has been properly acknowledged [I bet it is, now ask me for some money].
2)When you send back your Receipt Confirmation, please include a contribution of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, $35, $25 or whatever you can afford to join the Bush-Cheney '04 campaign Team to help reach out to other grassroots leaders like you [and get some of thier sweet, sweet money as well].

Your support is critical. The 2000 and 2002 elections revealed that our national political contests are extremely competitive but, if we work together, we can prevail [and if we don't prevail that way, we can steal the election just like we stole the last one].

It is essential we fully fund our voter outreach program--this special program will make the difference between winning and losing in 2004. Our goal is to reach out to register 3 million voters who support President Bush's bold vision for America [Just don't ask what that vision is, because he really doesn't know, other than we're at war dammit.].

We will need to build this strong grassroots team because of the vicious attacks we're already facing from our Democratic challengers [Challenger]. Their rhetoric has amounted to nothing more than political hate speech [Man, the truth is a hatefull bitch]. Senator John Kerry compared President Bush to Saddam Hussein calling for regime change in the United States [Damn that ugly man]. Then, Democratic Party Leader Terry McAuliffe accused the President of being AWOL during his National Guard service and of never having served in the military even though President Bush fulfilled his requirements and was honorably discharged [Yeah, ok, sure].

And our opponents are well funded. Backed by the likes of billionaire currency trader George Soros, who has compared President Bush to a Nazi, various liberal special interest groups have vowed to defeat President Bush [While Bush just relies on his oil money.]. So far these groups have amassed a war chest of almost $200 million - with plans to raise half a billion dollars. Soros said he would spend his entire $7 billion fortune if it would guarentee President Bush would lose in 2004.

President Bush is relying on you and other friends [I'm touched that the President considers me a friend] to help turn back these Democratic assaults and elevate the political debate for his positive, optomistic agenda for America:

  • an agenda that continues the War on Terrorism and protects the homeland, [I'm still not sure how they plan on doing that, and I don't think they are either]
  • an agenda that strengthens the economy and creates new jobs, [Or something, but only on big business' terms]
  • an agenda that makes it possible for every American to own a home, health and retirement plan and, if they want, their own business [just as long as they don't expect universal health care, or anything socialist like that], and
  • an agenda that focuses on results in schools so every child learns to read and no child is left behind [Even if it means dumbing the rest of us down so that everyone is equal, if they all fall behind, then they're all ahead, get it].

    But the liberal national media won't deliver this message to the American people [Damn liberal media, I mean that liberal talk radio channel, it won't tell you how things really are. We have to make sure that we watch all the other media]. They have their own agenda [Probably commie]. It is up to supporters like you to help us get the message directly to the voters.

    Thanks to the generous support of Bush-Cheney Charter Members we are on our way to meeting our budget goal, but we still have a ways to go.

    So please return your signed Receipt Confirmation Form today along with a contribution of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, $35, or $25 to help us meet our goal and keep our voter contact programs moving forward.

    I hope you will display your photo of the President and Laura Bush proudly--not only as a token of appreciation for your contribution to join as a Charter Member of the Bush-Cheney '04 campaign--but also as a reminder of why we cannot afford to fall short now [This isn't at all like those address labels that charities try to con you into feeling bad about using so you'll send them money, not at all. This campaign is really worth your investment, really].

    On behalf of President Bush and Vice President Cheney thank you for your support. [No, thank you Mark, on behalf of me]

    Mark Racicot

    P.S. Your early support of President Bush and his campaign will mark you as a grassroots leader in Tennessee. Only with your help as a Charter Member can the Bush-Cheney '04 campaign create a viable grassroots orginiztion. Please join the Bush-Cheney '04 Team as a Charter Member with your contribution of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, $35, or even $25 to help us lay the groundwork to win in 2004.

  • I like the pretty blatent way that this letter is written. I can almost see Mark, or one of his aides, sitting there in the office with the official outline that the campaign probably sent down on how to format the letter. 'Make sure to mention the donation amounts at least three times, especially near the beginning and near the end, and make sure to make it sound like the President himself had a hand in this.'

    Anyway, it worked. It's not like I'd want a picture of Kerry up on my wall, would you?

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