Man Passes $200 at Food Lion

The bogus bill -- the U.S. Mint does not print a $200 bill -- bore the image of President Bush on the front and had the White House on the back. It also included signs on the front lawn of the White House with slogans such as "We like broccoli" and "USA deserves a tax cut," Roanoke Rapids police said.

...Food Lion said normal policy is not to accept bills over $100.

Speaking as a former Food Lion Customer Service Manager, I can honestly say that we would take bills up to $150 but no higher. One time one of the other managers almost took a $136 bill, but luckily he couldn't make the change, so they wrote a check.

The Church of La Parka

I'm not sure I'm ready to worship him as a deity just yet, but you have to respect any god willing to hit someone over the head with a metal folding chair.

You'll never see Osiris or Lugh doing that, now will you?

I always kinda suspected it was Dusty Rhodes or Dusty's favorite luchadore El Dandy under that mask. I have to imagine that if it was discoverd that it was Dusty Rhodes who was god that the world as we know it would crumble. Really it's amazing that it doesn't crumble just with him on it.

Which Family Feud Host Are You?, my first quiz at Quizilla. Take it now. Now I say.

Enemy thy name is Bob...

I have an enemy and his name is Bob. I have no problem with most Bobs, I have found most of them to be pleasant and not altogether foul smelling, but there is one Bob in particular that has seen fit to displease me.

Picture this...It's Whammy Wednesday on the Game Show network. Press Your Luck being my favorite 80s game show, I'm there for the long haul. There's nothing I like watching more than three eager contestants try to thwart the nefarious Whammy, pressing their luck for the big bucks.

This Whammy Wednesday began as any other, but quite quickly I began having misgivings about one of the contestants. Bob sat on the left and was the poster child for 80s America, young, fresh-faced and most likely a Republican. His hair bounced as he cheered and clapped with each success.

Clap-clap-bounce-bounce-Woohoo-Yeah! That's Bob, bouncy and clapping.

He wasn't that annoying in the beginning, no more so than the other two contestants, large glasses lady, and the other person who I don't remember.

All I remember is Bob and the clapping and the bouncing and the Woohoo-Yeah!

Bob won in the first game, and the host looked as dismayed as I was.

The thing about Whammy Wednesday is that they show back to back to back to back episodes of Press Your Luck. I don't have to tell you how exciting that is, I'm sure. Just imagine your favorite viewing pleasure stretched before you in a lengthy vista. Now imagine that lengthy vista has a great big ol' flopping clapping ass in the corner.

Clap-clap-flop-flop-Woohoo-Yeah!!

Then Bob went on to win the second game. That means I had now spent an hour with Bob. By this time I was watching in the hopes that Bob would lose.

Bob would not lose.

Damn Bob.

Clap-clap-flop-flop-bounce-bounce-Woohoo-Yeah!

Angrier and angrier I became as Bob won more and more. Bob wins a full-length men's fur coat. Now Bob can be Young-Republican-Pimp Bob. Bob wins a trip, Bob wins some more money. Bob wins lots of money.

No one can stop Bob and his winning ways. The Whammies try. I root for the Whammies. The other contestants try, but they are all too stupid or slow, or dull witted.

Clap-clap-flop-flop-bounce-bounce-Woohoo-Yeah!

Damn you Bob. I hope you spent all the money on drugs, or just pissed it all away. You sullied my beautiful Whammy Wednesday.

You are my enemy.

Bob the enemy.

Wilford Brimley Battle

and

Wilford-Kong.

Eat your Quaker Oats or he'll kill you. You have been warned.

Car Problems

Ok, so today on the way home the truck felt a little off. I can't explain it better than that, just off. So later when I'm getting ready to go pay my electric bill (due today), I get in and it won't start. I let it crank for a few seconds and it doesn't start. Usually it starts right up.

I try it again. No go.

I try it a third time for about 20 seconds and it begrudgingly starts up. I sit there and let it idle for a minute or two and it seems fine, nothing out of the ordinary. I cut it off and go around and do the one thing that I for sure know how to do under the hood, I check the oil.

It's pretty low, but within acceptable levels, and it isn't sludge black or anything, but looks like oil should.

I get back in and try it again after it has been sitting for a couple of minutes. It takes a few seconds (ten or so) but starts up.

By this time I'm resonably concerned, so I decide to send the payment in. First I can't find a pen to write a check, then as I've sealed up the envelope I read the "make sure your account number is printed on the check" bit on the back flap. Of course I forgot, so I have to open the envelope and correct the problem. Of course the thing won't seal back now, so I go hunting for tape.

You would think in the mass of crap that I have I could find a roll of scotch tape somewhere, I mean, I still have wrapping paper from Christmas two years ago.

No tape though. None in the kitchen or living room or bathroom either.

I end up using two strips of masking tape to seal the envelope, so the electric department or the postal service will now probably open it themselves because it looks suspicious.

All this and Side Pocket, the pool game for the NES, really, really pisses me off. Really.

I'm just hoping that if the Truck is deciding to have a major problem soon that it can wait until next thursday or so, so that I will have at least a little money to fix it.

Why is that vehicle problems always happen in between paychecks or on the paycheck that goes largely to bills?