News and views for the day:

Is anybody else tired of all this constant listening to others you have to do in the world today? Is it just me?...What's the difference between a hip-hop singers album where rappers guest on every track and a rappers album where singers guest on every track. Back in my day a group would have one singer to do all the vocals except maybe the harmony, and if you needed another type of voice, or wanted to take a breather, let the guitarist sing...Missy Elliot, why?...I'd like to clone myself and send him to work, would it still be slavery if you were only enslaving yourself. Now if only we can solve the problem of the clones we create trying to kill us and steal our souls. That's my soul Dammit!...Where's that Triumph the Insult Comic Dog album they MTV said was coming out?...Go out and buy a Kodo CD today. Random shouting in another language and drums, what more do you need?...How many books do I have to read before I am officially "smart?"...Why should I have to take a personality/intelligence test for a promotion at work, and what business is it of theirs what my beliefs are...What's the next letter in this sequence G F Y Y F G?...That story I posted earlier wasnt't weird, or even strange, but Joey insisted...My talking Master P doll really makes 'em say uhhhhh...I'm going to grow myself some fly-ass dreadlocks...It's maze time.

Here's my "weird" story for Gunny:

(cue creepy music) In my kitchen, over the sink, there is a fluorescent light. Some many months ago this light ceased working. I, being ever resourcefull, waited about two months until all the other lights in the kitchen burned out, and then bought a replacement bulb. That bulb was too big, so I took it back to Wal-Mart and got the proper size. I put it in the light, but it still would not work.
Fast forward about three or four months to a couple of weeks ago. I came home and noticed the light was on. I assumed my roomate had fixed it. Then when he came in, he said "did you fix the light?" I told him I did not.
So the light has magically started working again.
I attribute it to the massive ammounts of microwave radiation the government fires at my apartment to beam telepathic orders into my brain, or leprechauns.

There's your weird story damn you.

I'll be heading back to the 'Boro without wipers still. We attempted to fix them, but it looks to be more than a couple of hours job. My Father and I went to Advance Auto Parts here in Athens to look for parts to fix it, and I noticed something at the store...Both of the workers there were named Mike.

That gets me to wondering how they refer to the two of them at the store to keep them straight. There are multiple Bills on my shift at work, and I don't know exactly how everyone else knows who someone else is talking about, except through contextual evidence.

I wonder if one of the Mikes is known as stupid Mike, or smelly, perhaps short Mike or doesn't understand sarcasm Mike?

Ah well. Maybe it just won't rain anymore when I need to go somewhere.

The great BigStupidTommy, mentioned Dave Attel being in Nashville, or as I like to call it Smashville, on "Insomniac" and being brought into one of the Smashville Vampire Live Action Role-Playing Game (LARP) groups by a girl he had in a few english classes.

Now I'll have to see the episode, because most likely I know most of the people there. I played in Smashville a couple of times a couple of years back, and I doubt that the participants have changed that much.

Hmmm. On the "Charmed" watch, Alyssa Milano was just loved up by a spirit, while wearing only a bra and pajama bottoms. In the words of the great Barry and Levon: "Awwwww Yeahhhhhhh."

Is Stargate a time-travel movie?

The USA network has a time travel movie marathon programmed for sometime soon that I saw a commercial for. They are showing Back to the Future 3, Time Cop, Stargate and a couple of other films I think.

Stargate is not about time travel. It is about travel to a distant world that bears a striking resemblance to ancient egypt. Unless, that is, I completely misunderstood the story of the film.

This has happened before, and will, no doubt, happen again. For the longest time I was confused by what Clambake, Them, and Naked Lunch were about, but then I finally caught on...They're about girls right?

Maybe I'm over-reacting, but when the sci-fi channel shows Indiana Jones films and Stargate is billed as a time-travel film...It just boggles my mind. Do the programmers actually watch the films? I am fine with genre bending, but if you are going to proclaim a genre, then by God, stick to it.

There is no more room in a marathon of time travel films for Stargate than there is for any movie starring Jean Claude Van Damme on the Lifetime.

In Stargate they travel across the universe, and I suppose owing to the theory of relativity the instantaneous travel could be considered time-travel, as the trip occurs at faster-than-light speeds, but much as I thought too much about why robots would fight over drinking water in a post apocalyptic world in Omega Doom I think I am over-analysing here.

If this loose a definition encompases these films as time-travel movies, then why not have, say Black Sheep or any movie made before the year 2000? Any film would do.

In fact all, as Dave Attel says, all anyone really needs to do to time-travel is drink alot. One second you're at a bar drinking, then there is darkness, then it's two hours later and you're in a different bar drinking.

What was my point again?

Merry Christmas to all, or perhaps Mithasmas or Dionysusmas if you prefer. I just have a few things to impart after the comment about the comment.

Yesterday as I was driving from rainy Middle Tennessee to rainy East Tennessee my windshield wipers cut out somewhere around Monteagle mountain. Luckily it was only drizziling a bit by that point, so I made it allright. My father gave me some Rain-X stuff that he says will do the trick without wipers, so I'm guessing I'll get to try that out on the way home since my truck seems to want to make driving a little more difficult.

Also in weather news, as I sit here it is snowing outside. Is it too much to hope that I can be snowed in for about five or six days? It's not that I don't want to go back to work or anything, but I don't want to go back to work.

That Olive the other Reindeer film was on yesterday. Very bad. That's all I'll say. No more singing Drew Barrymore. None. Ever.

Also as I was driving home yesterday from work Steve Gill, local stalwart republican radio talk show host in Nashville, got a call from a guy named Steve who began by talking about the retail season, and from his conversation I gathered that he is a Sam's Club employee, but that is not important. After that he attempted to hijack Gill's show and went into a spiel about Santa being based on Tamuz, an ancient king, and then moved from there into occultic topics and finally wound it up with what began as a monologue about the Rockefeller's that no doubt would have ended with something about the Illuminati.

His was talking on a topic that Gill was discussing, which was the origins of the celebration of Christmas on Dec. 25, and why this date was chosen. Gill said it was in the spirit of competition with the other religions and an attempt to bring people away from the celebrations at the same time. I have some thoughts on the matter, but I think they'll wait until a later post.

Anyway, Gill cut they guy off before the talk got to paranoid, and rightly so. In thinking of caller Steve's words I think that it is important to remember Robert Anton Wilson's (himself a chronicler of the Illuminati) two commandments:

Don't totally believe your own B.S. (belief system), and

Don't totally believe anyone else's B.S. either.

Caller Steve has broken those commandments.

But then so have most people.

I rambled a bit there, but that's what this site's about, my rambling monologues. It just allows you to scroll down when you get tired of it (no doubt everyone I know would love the ability to scroll down, or to mute me).

But, seriously folks, Merry Christmas.