Is every one of Jennifer Lopez's songs from now on going to be about how real she is, and how fame hasn't changed her (nor her mad bank)? The new one "Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got/I'm still Jenny from the block/used to have a little/now I gotta lot/No matter where I go I know where I came from" Before "I'm Real."

Think she's trying to convince us or herself?

Some words of import from Pimp Babyface Innocent III:

"You can't build no other Earth."

"There is no Santa Claus, He does not exist."

"I am not a pimp, I don't even know what a pimp is."

Also Television is officially fired. On the whole it displeases me. Some of the shows and actors can keep their jobs, but there are going to be alot of layoffs in the next few weeks (you hear me Anna Nicole Smith, Charmed, entire WB lineup?) I will be taking applications for new television to amuse me in the coming weeks.

From House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski

A monk joins an abbey ready to dedicate his life to copying ancient books by hand. After the first day though, he reports to the head priest. He's concerned that all the monks have been copying from copies made from still more copies.
"If someone makes a mistake," he points out. "It would be impossible to detect. Even worse the error would continue to be made."
A bit startled, the priest decides that he better check their latest effort against the original which is kept in a vault beneath the abbey. A place only he has access to.
Well two days, then three days pass without the priest resurfacing. Finally the new monk decides to see if the old guy's allright. When he gets down there though, he discovers the priest hunched over both a newly copied book and the ancient original text. He is sobbing and by the look of things has been sobbing a long time.
"Father?" the monk whispers.
"Oh Lord Jesus," the priest wails. "The word is 'celebrate.'"

If I had a child I would name it Lil Monkey Bacon.

I think that's a tremendously funny name, though almost any name followed by Bacon is funny in its own right. Kevin Bacon, Bill Bacon, Lil Monkey Bacon. I know you see the corrolation.

Imagine how tough that kid would be when it grows up. Move over boy named Sue, here's Lil Monkey Bacon.

I started reading Peter David's Sir Apropos of Nothing the other day, and I don't think I'm going to be able to finish it. It's not that the book is that bad. It's much for the same reason that I can't read Xanth novels anymore, Terry Prachett just does it much better.

I've seen people in the talkback section of Aint-it-cool-news.com argue that Prachett is a hack, his books are unfunny and that he is a Douglas Adams wannabe. Now on the first two points, I don't know if he is a hack or not, but much like other much maligned hack Stephen King, he writes a good story. On the second point, I can honestly say that I rarely encounter novels that make me laugh out loud one time, much less many times. Mark Danielewski's House of Leaves made me laugh, but that was because a character told a joke I found particularly funny, but even "humorous" books like the Xanth novels don't make me laugh consistently, Prachett does.

On the third point, if you consider anyone who writes humorous fiction about zany characters a Douglas Adams clone, then yes Prachett is guilty.

The thing that I like the most in Prachett's books is what he doesn't tell you and the understatement of it all. Often times you will get the setup for an action piece and then cut to afterwards where the characters and situations relate what happened, letting the reader fill in the gaps. Also Pratchett will often use a dry and matter of fact tone to deliver the humor.

He is the straight man, your brain is the wacky-foreign neighbor played by Bronson Pinchot.

I also like that the magicians are basically Newtonian scientists on the way to becoming Quantum Physicists.

Seeing Apropos' cover just got me started thinking. Back to that book.

What I read of David's novel just seemed forced. Everything is over-explained. I get that Apropos is loquacious, but I would prefer if he would show the reader that he is a tremendous liar before he tells them that he is. Less damn dialogue, more action. As I said in the Scorpion King review, don't tell me something, show me and let me figure it out myself.

How many awards shows can VH1 do? They already have the My VH1 awards, the Fashion Awards, and now the Big in 2002 awards show. I think there should be an awards show channel, that way they're all there in one easy to find place. We could run awards for everything-movies, music, fashion, magazine journalism, cynical-no-talent grocery stockers with no drive who write web-pages that no one read and don't ever seem to leave their apartment except to go to work (I'd be a shoe in for that award, if there weren't so many others out there just like me, who dress like me, cuss like me and don't give a F*ck like me, that's right, I'm Slim Shady).

But seriously, why? I know they're cheap to produce and fill up three hours of air-time, but why?

Today's foreign language quote comes from G.E. Lessing who wrote:
Ein einziger dankbarer Gedanke gen Himmel ist das vollkommenste Gebet.

I'm unsure if Tommy is telling me specifically to buy him something good for Christmas in his news and views for his shout out for my page, or if He's wanting something good from everyone. What do you think?

Who am I kidding, nobody reads this but me.

I'm working six nights in a row this week, and let me tell you I had to stand and think for about twenty minutes this morning to try and figure out if It was Sunday, Monday or Tuesday. I'm still not really sure.

I'm not being very funny here am I? Well I'm only writing this for my own amusement and gratification anyway.

I think it's time to change the template on this page.

I want the Fannie May Foundation to stay out of my business. Telling me that I can't get a good job or a house or anything without good credit. Pfeh. Commercials suck. As BIll Hicks said "If you are in advertising, do me a favor right now. Kill Yourself."

I also hate web-pages that try to reset your homepage to them, and won't let you leave until you do. I wish I knew how to write the HTML to do that. Hmmmmm.

I think it would be incredibly creepy if we lived in a world animated by Ray Harryhausen style stop motion.

So TLC has a new album. On a related subject, how does Alliyah still put out new videos? Or for that matter how is 2-Pac STILL putting out new music. Do Hip Hop record labels have some kind of phone-line to the dead? If they do why not contact, say John Lennon? I'm sure he'd be happy to do a duet with Busta Rhymes, or lay down a phat beat for Ludacris.

They're playing nothing but Christmas music at work. They seem to have about twenty-five versions of the same four songs. I have no problem with some Christmas music, but when Little Drummer Boy is played three times in under an hour, including the Bing Crosby/David Bowie version, something is very wrong.

Why is Mariah Carey on my television?

Will Freddy v. Jason suck? Probably, since Kelly Rowland of Destiny's Child is in it. I really don't think she needs to be singing songs about misunderstood young white male high school students. It would be like me writing and singing a song about a thirty-year-old female chinese farmer. I don't know the life, even with research it would come off very shallow.

Shattershot post this morning.

Talk to me.