Monday, June 18, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
New Sly Stallone Movie Pitches
Marion Cobretti
Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti is down on his luck. Once viewed as the only man harder than Dirty Harry, now he's forgotten and living by day as a Denny's short order cook and by night as a bouncer at a hotel bar.
Until the night he witnesses a Senator murdering a prostitute with a new, powerful drug cocktail called Smark. Teaming up with the sassy black waitress Kaneesha, Cobra returns to his crime fighting roots and takes it all the way to the Senate floor where he violently assaults the perpetrator and fills him full of his own drug.
"Just say no."
The Guy From Over The Top
The Guy From Over the Top--TGFOTT is down on his luck. Once viewed as the only truck-driver/arm wrestling champion to be able to overcome all the odds and win his son's love and the championship, now he's forgotten and driving a manure truck. His only companion is a sassy orangutan named Zeke who is now the only 'person' willing to arm-wrestle him. Fortunately Zeke's forearms are superhumanly strong and even out of the game TGFOTT's arms are bigger than Popeye's.
An evil trucking firm threatens to buy out the family owned company TGFOTT drives for and he reluctantly enters the world arm wrestling championships to try to make the money to save the company. He trains hard with Zeke, but when he finds out that his son (who he has not seen for ten years) is also in the competition to try and make enough money to save the Orphanage that he runs from being bought by greedy developers he almost loses his nerve.
Zeke convinces him that the money will be enough to save both, and reminds him that at the very least it is just a shit delivery company.
Later it is discovered that TGFOTT's son is not his son at all, but an impostor and that Zeke was his son all along.
Frank Stallone
Frank Stallone (Sylvester Stallone) is a down on his luck actor who can't get more than bit parts, even in his own brother's movies (Sylvester Stallone, played by Frank Stallone). He lands the part of Zeke in The Guy From Over the Top, but loses it at the last minute when he fails monkey school.
Hilarity of course ensues.
Steve Guttenberg also has a role as a talking panda bear named gus.
And someone gets their head punched off into a wall of molten lava. Possibly by Bolo Yeung.
Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti is down on his luck. Once viewed as the only man harder than Dirty Harry, now he's forgotten and living by day as a Denny's short order cook and by night as a bouncer at a hotel bar.
Until the night he witnesses a Senator murdering a prostitute with a new, powerful drug cocktail called Smark. Teaming up with the sassy black waitress Kaneesha, Cobra returns to his crime fighting roots and takes it all the way to the Senate floor where he violently assaults the perpetrator and fills him full of his own drug.
"Just say no."
The Guy From Over The Top
The Guy From Over the Top--TGFOTT is down on his luck. Once viewed as the only truck-driver/arm wrestling champion to be able to overcome all the odds and win his son's love and the championship, now he's forgotten and driving a manure truck. His only companion is a sassy orangutan named Zeke who is now the only 'person' willing to arm-wrestle him. Fortunately Zeke's forearms are superhumanly strong and even out of the game TGFOTT's arms are bigger than Popeye's.
An evil trucking firm threatens to buy out the family owned company TGFOTT drives for and he reluctantly enters the world arm wrestling championships to try to make the money to save the company. He trains hard with Zeke, but when he finds out that his son (who he has not seen for ten years) is also in the competition to try and make enough money to save the Orphanage that he runs from being bought by greedy developers he almost loses his nerve.
Zeke convinces him that the money will be enough to save both, and reminds him that at the very least it is just a shit delivery company.
Later it is discovered that TGFOTT's son is not his son at all, but an impostor and that Zeke was his son all along.
Frank Stallone
Frank Stallone (Sylvester Stallone) is a down on his luck actor who can't get more than bit parts, even in his own brother's movies (Sylvester Stallone, played by Frank Stallone). He lands the part of Zeke in The Guy From Over the Top, but loses it at the last minute when he fails monkey school.
Hilarity of course ensues.
Steve Guttenberg also has a role as a talking panda bear named gus.
And someone gets their head punched off into a wall of molten lava. Possibly by Bolo Yeung.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Greatest Thing Ever
I found the greatest crappy food item ever today at Big Lots. Even greater than Nascar Hamburgers. Even greater than Jeff Foxworthy Ham Jerky.
I give you Rap Snacks
Here we have Lil' Romeo Bar-B-quin' with my Honey and Dirt McGirt Sour Cream and Onion.
Romeo urges you to stay in school and Dirt says think responsibly.
I-have-no-more-words.
I give you Rap Snacks
Here we have Lil' Romeo Bar-B-quin' with my Honey and Dirt McGirt Sour Cream and Onion.
Romeo urges you to stay in school and Dirt says think responsibly.
I-have-no-more-words.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Wrassler
Here's the beginning of a new story.
For every Hulk Hogan there are a hundred Tony Atlases, and for every Tony Atlas there are a thousand Gypsy Joes.
I'm not even a Gypsy Joe.
You don't remember me. It's o.k., nobody really does, except my Ex-Wives and the IRS.
I've been around the world and back again, from the gutter to the Penthouse and back to the gutter more times than I can count.
I've had more names than I can count too. In Indianapolis in '72 I was the Mad Mook; In Philly in '76 I was Jimmy the Retard; In Atlanta in '77 I was Kruschev the Killer, and then ten years later under a hood I was Mr. Midnight #2.
But I started out and I'm gonna end as Leonard Bergeron Chapek.
I didn't expect it to ring a bell.
I've been a grave-digger, a short order cook, a tobacco farmer, a janitor (twice) and a bunch of other shit not worth mentioning. But the only thing I was ever good at was wrestling. Some people might argue with that, but the promoter's knew what they were doing when the brought me in.
If they needed a Heel to make their Babyface, I was the man to do it.
There've been plenty of guys that they say could get a great match out of a mop if they tried, but I didn't even need the mop. In Birmingham in '74 as Uncle Rascal, I convinced the marks that there was an invisible grappler called Tim Spook and managed to work for three months without even having an opponent.
I know the business better than most. I know how to squeeze pennies until they turn silver. I know the look in a promoter's eye that they get when they're going to short you. I know how to milk any hint of fame and I know how to dig through the garbage.
Put me in the ring with your Babyface and I will make him. Put me in the ring with your top Heel. Put me in the ring with your son.
Hell, put me in the ring with your dog and I will make it a star.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Bill Bacon is...
...the legislative director for the Pennsylvania Social Services Union, SEIU Local 668.
...president of the store.
...finding traction on the insides of the corners, where the grasses and leaves offer something to hook-up on.
...the better guy to ask on this.
...chiding the professional prac-. titioners for their neglect of research, debate and informed exchange
...the Music Minister for First Baptist Church in Clinton and has been there since 1976.
...putting the final touches on a film about the Friendship.
...looking for Spud:
...obviously not willing to discuss the other issues since he cannot make the STCC or Move That Bridge look bad by doing so.
...a pipefitter working with a Saint John contractor.
...with us only in spirit.
...the coordinator of the HUGS family.
...president of the store.
...finding traction on the insides of the corners, where the grasses and leaves offer something to hook-up on.
...the better guy to ask on this.
...chiding the professional prac-. titioners for their neglect of research, debate and informed exchange
...the Music Minister for First Baptist Church in Clinton and has been there since 1976.
...putting the final touches on a film about the Friendship.
...looking for Spud:
...obviously not willing to discuss the other issues since he cannot make the STCC or Move That Bridge look bad by doing so.
...a pipefitter working with a Saint John contractor.
...with us only in spirit.
...the coordinator of the HUGS family.
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