Sunday, June 17, 2007

New Sly Stallone Movie Pitches

Marion Cobretti

Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti is down on his luck. Once viewed as the only man harder than Dirty Harry, now he's forgotten and living by day as a Denny's short order cook and by night as a bouncer at a hotel bar.

Until the night he witnesses a Senator murdering a prostitute with a new, powerful drug cocktail called Smark. Teaming up with the sassy black waitress Kaneesha, Cobra returns to his crime fighting roots and takes it all the way to the Senate floor where he violently assaults the perpetrator and fills him full of his own drug.

"Just say no."

The Guy From Over The Top

The Guy From Over the Top--TGFOTT is down on his luck. Once viewed as the only truck-driver/arm wrestling champion to be able to overcome all the odds and win his son's love and the championship, now he's forgotten and driving a manure truck. His only companion is a sassy orangutan named Zeke who is now the only 'person' willing to arm-wrestle him. Fortunately Zeke's forearms are superhumanly strong and even out of the game TGFOTT's arms are bigger than Popeye's.

An evil trucking firm threatens to buy out the family owned company TGFOTT drives for and he reluctantly enters the world arm wrestling championships to try to make the money to save the company. He trains hard with Zeke, but when he finds out that his son (who he has not seen for ten years) is also in the competition to try and make enough money to save the Orphanage that he runs from being bought by greedy developers he almost loses his nerve.

Zeke convinces him that the money will be enough to save both, and reminds him that at the very least it is just a shit delivery company.

Later it is discovered that TGFOTT's son is not his son at all, but an impostor and that Zeke was his son all along.

Frank Stallone

Frank Stallone (Sylvester Stallone) is a down on his luck actor who can't get more than bit parts, even in his own brother's movies (Sylvester Stallone, played by Frank Stallone). He lands the part of Zeke in The Guy From Over the Top, but loses it at the last minute when he fails monkey school.

Hilarity of course ensues.

Steve Guttenberg also has a role as a talking panda bear named gus.

And someone gets their head punched off into a wall of molten lava. Possibly by Bolo Yeung.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...