Swingin Midway Drive In Report

Well swingin midway drive in fans we had a real humdinger of a show last night. In case you missed it or in case you didn't we had two big flicks last night.

First up we had Star Trek, rated PG. It's a fast action space thing with explosions and that Spock fella that all the kids like.

Next up we had Wolverine, it's a scary one so we all locked our car doors.

We also stopped by the snack bar for some Nachos and Cheeseburgers, and those mmmm-mmmm good tasty french fries.

Don't forget the Flea Market is open every weekend, and Sunday is car load night.

Norm Coleman=Jay?

I realize this has to be a photo that has been around for awhile now, but doesn't he just look like the type of guy that you'd want representing you?

Granted, do you really want Al Franken representing you?

I'm pretty sure I'd rather have Al than this hippy turned Wally Cleaver.

"Most of you covered me, all of you voted for me..."

As I watch the remarks of Pres. Obama from the White House Correspondents' Dinner, I am thinking that some of his jokes may be viewed as slightly controversial by the right.

But I also have to say that we have a pretty funny President. He's got good timing.

He showed it at the Al Smith dinner, and the Roast of Rahm Emmanuel.

It's like Winnie Cooper was writing his jokes (that is the most obscure West Wing reference that I could go with).

GI Joe Warren Ellis Style

So somebody out there let Warren Ellis have pretty much free reign over the GI Joe universe for a new web series to, I assume, somehow promote the new movie.

I don't think this series will be cannon since two characters die in the first episode, and he made Zartan into a hermaphrodite tv pitchman.

I think it's pretty good. Dig the badass Snakeyes.

Part one:

LIBERAL THINKTANKS LEARN TO USE PHONE/TELECONFERNCING

Sweet Mary and Joseph I just learned from Bill O'Reilly that Politico is saying that there is a liberal cabal of people who have daily conference calls where they plan strategies on how to attack people who are against their agenda.

O'Reilly assures me that it is the same thing as Nixon's dirty tricks squad, and that the group contains people linked to the Clinton's and a former CNN (CNN!) reporter with bad taste in hats.

Then he had Carl Rove on who is, of course, an expert on the subject of Nixonian style dirty tricks.

I am unsure whether or not Carl Rove talking about groups of people getting together to plan political strategies and linking that to fascism.

VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY

The LABOR/NBC/TIMES/OBAMA conspiracy, O'Reilly assures me, is a serious threat to America.

Rove assures me that there is no such Conservative call that he is aware of, they merely meet every week or to to do the same type of thing, but they, you know, meet up.

I think there is no validity at all to this story since everyone knows that the cool kids all Twitter now, or Facebook. Next they'll be telling us that the liberals have set up a BBS server.

I think we need to ban these "conference calls," as there is no telling what type of horrors may emerge from them. This is the beginning of Communism folks. When people of like minds get together on the phone and talk about things they are of like minds about and how to get that done you might as well just call in Chairman Mao.

Thank you Bill O'Reilly and Politico, thank you for revealing the vast left-wing conspiracy and exposing the cabal at the heart of our current problems!

Zombie Story Part 2

Continuation of Zombie Story.

Wed.


That was fast.

The power went out faster than I thought that it would. It's only been three days and now nothing is working without batteries.

Cells are too.

No phones, no boats, no motor-cars not a single luxury.

I thought I'd have longer than that.

Army helicopters flew over low this morning and I started to go out until I saw them strafe a house down the street. It's still burning.

I think that discretion might be the best course here.

Before the power went down there were still a few stations online. I got to watch as all the news channels but FoxNews went down. They must have some pretty good security there.

The President came on the air and told everyone to remain calm, that she was instituting Marshal Law and that order would be restored soon. Then she gave that little wink and there was no more from her.

That was one day ago.

Today I'm down to a crank powered radio and some candles I had leftover from my brief forays into mood lighting.

I started boarding up the windows and the front door this morning. The neighbors are gone on both sides and I 'borrowed' some supplies. I thought about holing up in one of the bigger houses, but I don't really know them that well and it was pretty creepy in there.

At least there's no blood on the walls in my house...or body parts.


Thu.


Close call today

I was three houses down raiding a pantry when I noticed that the house had a big gas generator in the garage. I was trying to see if I could move it and wasn't paying attention and one of them almost got me.

She bit me on the hand. Took a big chunk out of my left pinky.

I dealt with her.

Stopped the bleeding and cleaned out the wound.

I hope shit doesn't happen like in the movies.



Fri.


I decided to take the finger off below the wound.

Didn't hurt as much as you would think.

Bled alot.

Took alot of Hydros I found next door.

Thank you desperate housewives.

Sleepy.


Sat.


Slept all day. Still no rescue crews. Radio is off the air.

Saw a bunch of them out wandering today. From now on I don't go out without the guns.

I'm learning to work with one less finger. Luckily I'm right handed, but I am going to have to be way more careful out there, there seem to be an unlimited supply of them out there, but there is a very limited supply of me.


Sun.


What if I killed someone who was a survivor like me. Would it make it better if they were trying to kill me first? Would it make it worse if I did it because I was scared? Zombie or not they go down if you shoot them in the head.

Romero had it right. All the newer films are shit.

I wish I could watch a movie.

I wish I could go out.

I wish I could go back to work.

I wish the world would go back to normal.

I wish I could take back what I've done.


Mon.


Today I have company. I found her three houses down. Been in there before, but she says she wasn't there before. Came from town and thought this area would be safe.

She's been running all this time, moving from place to place.

But I found her and now she's safe.

I think she's scared of me. I do look frightening. A week and it's road warrior time. It's a little too cold for assless chaps and animal tails though.

Remember that guys mowhawk and the doll on the pole on his back?

I think that movie was way ahead of its time.

She says she's never seen it.

Probably never will now.

I think she thinks that I'm going to do something to her.

Probably that I tied her up.

I didn't gag her though.

I do enjoy the company.

She won't tell me her name.

If you think about it Will Smith was a pussy in that movie.


Tue.


She tried to get out today.

If she wouldn't do that I might let her loose from the ropes.

I'm doing it all to protect us anyway.

There isn't anywhere else to go.

One week later and it only seems like there are zombies out there.

I have enough supplies in here for a long time.

Most people really didn't prepare for much, but enough of them that lived close to me to keep us going for as long as we need to hole up.

She eats.

I take her to the bathroom.

I'm not barbaric.

I have lots of guns now.

Don't tell anyone, but the postman that lived at the end of the street had alot of porn and even more guns.

It took me about seven trips for each.

Ha-Ha.



Wed.


She's been here long enough that I know she's not going to turn into one of them, but when I took the gag off today, she bit me hard on the arm.

Somebody shot at me today. It bothers me that I don't know where from.

I'm obviously not a Zombie.

Zombies don't wear body armor, or carry guns, or burn down houses.


Thu.


I don' know how she got out, but If I hadn't heard her screaming things would have been much, much worse.

I had to cut off the arm.

It's not any easier to cut off one of your arms.

It doesn't make it any better that it was the left one either.

I took all the Hydros this time, but I have other stuff in the infirmary.

Ha-Ha.


Fri.


It's quieter now with her gone.

I'm wondering if I should burn down the houses on either side of me. It seems like every time I spend the time blocking them up they just get back in.

It's not like they take the day or the night off.

It's just shuffle-shuffle-roar-roar-bite-bite.

I miss pizza, but I don't miss deodorant!


Sat.


Order still has not been restored. A jet flew over today. I think it dropped some napalm a couple of miles down the road. I can still see the fires in the sky.

Maybe I won't be the one that burns everything down.

I don't think there's a rescue coming.

I don't think order will be restored.


Wed?


The girl came back today.

I must be losing it because I went out.

It's getting progressively harder to cut off parts that I am bitten on.

Who would have thought one of them could bite through kevlar?

Now I know. Now I have to figure out how to get around on one less leg.

One thing is, I'm getting really good at amputation.

I could be a medic.

Like Red-Alert.

Like Hawkeye.

Like House.


Later.


I'm getting around alright, but I'm starting to get itchy to run.

No one is coming.

No Army.

No Lions.

I think I'd like to ride a horse.

I think I'd like to play a round of golf.

Inventories aren't that bad.

I would count anything rather than time.

I think I'd like to do anything but sit here and hide.

Do you think a one legged man can outrun zombies?

I think I'm going to find out.



A little later...


The answer to the question is no.

I have a joke for you.

"What do you call a no-legged, one-armed man?"

Give up?

Not even a guess?

ME!

There is no lady. There is no tiger. Only Lieutenant Dan!

Zombie movies usually end badly.

There isn't any way for me to cut off my back, is there?